Identity Crisis: An assessment of an overall loser
...fe. The love of her life will never ever be hers for she had mad an entirely wrong impression. An impression that would deprive her of being happy. Every single human being learn their lessons. She’s still one of them, and she learned her lesson fast. That’s the miracle that happened deep inside her. Knowing that, she could never change peoples’ mind about her, she tried to despise them instead. But this young girl turned to be something. She already became a woman. A woman who has integrity and who prided herself to be cold and selfish. A woman who walled up her barriers with hatred and anger to drive out the weakness and fear inside her. She will be what she ought to be. A cold-blooded, non-emotional, enigma-based woman who knows what she want and will try her best not to get it because she is very tired of getting what she wants. She knows a lot now. She has opened her mind to complete torture and exact nightmare that she always have during her sleeps, and she knows how to handle it very well. Temptations may be strong but she knows how to ready herself in times of disaster. Maybe this woman has a lot right now, but she know she’s gonna use these to become more than what she needs because her destiny awaits her. Maybe by this time you might think the author of this story is somewhat insane or out of her mind because of her boggling and juggling mind. You can’t really relate or make a connection with the author because she definitely is a big, dumb, selfish bitch. I agree with you about that. Because she really is dumb, and she is in fact very selfish. But she deserves another chance. Although not everyone would like her that much anymore. Given the chance, she will do some things right but not all things. Her life would be much simpler from now on. Sometimes, when she looks at the mirror. She doesn’t like what she sees, she could see the anger, the fury, the fear, the magnimity of her force, the hunger spirit and the nasty attitude deep down inside her black heart. But somewhere, somehow, she becomes different. Different in such a way that she knew these awful things about her already and she accepted them. Well, most of them, that is. But then, she transformed. Love. Was this the reason why she changed? Maybe yes, maybe no. Partly yes, because when she lost the one she loved who was never really hers in the first place, she had every minute motive to evolve. Partly no, because it’s not merely love that made her choose the decision. It was love and hatred, somewhat blended in a manner wherein one cannot identify which is which. Such a word should have made people to believe and people to hope. But she’s not like this people, not before, not ever. Long before she was born or when she was still inside the tummy of her mother, she was never been love, up until she was a teenage loser. Love was a word only used to deceive people and gain their trust. Isn’t it why she’s so alone and vulnerable right now? Isn’t it because of that hallucinating word? She knew all along that such a word never existed, but she made herself believed that what she felt for a certain person was love. And she even thought she loved him. Screw him! And Screw her as well!!! Now, she knew that making yourself believe in something that never exist is the same thing as believing that this country will be free of its international debts in three years time. That’s bullshit alright. Magical love. True love. Mistaken love. Make-believe love. Practical Love. ‘Tis are all expressions of a madly, deeply and truly deceived people who are romantically and idiotically attached geeks. Here she goes again. Being a stupid whore trying to judge people who are having their time in their glorious and must-see lives. Why should she try to compensate their attitudes towards some things, which greatly affect her whole being? Why can’t she stop from being a bitch for one second? Above all, why can’t she accept the fact that she’s lonely and she needed someone to hold on to? Let’s see. Maybe she doesn’t really need someone. What a mind she got there. She doesn’t even know what she really wants. Who would want to read such a crap? And why are you still reading this? Doesn’t this bore you down, chewing the soul inside you because of the force this thing brings to you? Because of this young woman’s stupid mind, you can’t even throw this away. But she wants to thank you anyway for sparing your time reading this anomalous story, which leads you to nowhere in life. This doesn’t brighten your day, or even gives you any advice. Let the author of this article tell you one story. A story of another young woman in her distant dreams. If you ever think that this woman is someone who the author think that you might be thinking, well, this is definitely not her. Here goes. This woman is a woman of the underworld. She’s trying everything to be good but she knows her life would always be miserable as what she is thinking right. Or so, I assumed. She’s telling her story to everybody as if she’s a creature of another world in another galaxy, if there exist one. All she’s trying to say maybe is that her story is very miserable and that she needs an outlet to let her sufferings out of her heart. Haven’t she told you she’s mad right now. About herself. She doesn’t know why it is so. She’s become so rotten that no one would ever hold her or even put a single finger on her now-cold skin. She hates herself real badly. That’s how she lives her good-for-nothing type of life. She has been strangling her own self with her own hands and yet she likes the feeling of being strangled because she’s dreading her life at the beginning of time. She’s become face-to-face with FEAR, ANXIETY, ENVY, and DEATH. And she doesn’t really care what happens to her. Because her life is not that good you know. Something in her life is really missing. She doesn’t really know what it is exactly. She may never see or have an opportunity to take a glimpse of that something. But it’s fine with her because she don’t really care for her miserable and disgusting life. She knows how to accept this destiny but she’s afraid she’ s not capable of doing just that because she’s a drop-dead impeccable bitch. She had envisioned her future that lies before her and it’s the worst! Her life ahead is not worth living for because it’s terrible. Right now, her emotions are inexplicable. She can’t even think straight this very minute. It’s like the whole world is turning its back against her. It’s leaving her behind and it’s bound to take its joyful journey onward while she’s left behind in the abyss of this dark and smelly asylum. She’s like trapped in a small, dark box with no way out. She can’t even look where the small flicker of light she thinks she sees is coming from. She admits though, that the small flicker of light is somewhere above her but she can’t seem to reach out of it. If only someone or somebody would come and help her out of that disgusting asylum. But no one would ever come near that place because no one seems to notice it. No one seems to care. No one seems to listen. Or maybe because, deep inside her, she don’t want to be noticed. Maybe, deep inside her, she doesn’t want to be heard. She doesn’t want to be pitied upon. She didn’t want to be taken cared of. She didn’t like the idea of anyone hovering over her nasty life. She didn’t want anybody to mess with her. She didn’t damn want nobody. She just wants herself for her. She just wants to be alone. Maybe… just maybe… Hell!!! When she screams… no one hears her. Or so it seems. Hours become days and months. She’s still trapped in that asylum. That asylum… which she, herself, created. An asylum where only she can enter. She still sees that light somewhere above her somehow. But she can’t hear a thing. No footsteps. No nothing. She’s afraid now. There are times when she loses her hope. And she’s about to… now… She doesn’t beg. She doesn’t expect someone to help her. She won’t be down on her knees and ask someone to help her because she doesn’t’ have anything left for herself but her pride. All her pride is all she got right now. And she’s not about to give it to nobody. Not now. Not ever. There was this one time however, when she saw someone hovering and unraveling the light above her. That was history, a very very long time ago. Sometimes she thinks ‘twas only a fig of her long t...