Love Too Strong
... up to their rooms and hurt them in ways I could never mend. What would I say to them if they lived through it? How could I prevent the inevitable damage that would no doubt ruin their adult lives, not to mention tarnish what was left of their childhood? I couldn’t say, “Everything will be alright. Mommy will take care of you and protect you.” That statement has already been proven wrong. What I wouldn’t give to take their pain away, to erase their memories of that night, to give them back their innocence. What would become of me if they didn’t live through it? My heart would be gone for they are what hold it together. Nothing could replace my loss. I would say to myself and to God every day, “Why them and not me?” My mind would be filled nothing else. Every second of every minute of every day would be committed to their memory. I would be useless to the world. I would be a walking zombie until I were reunited with them in Heaven. Mikey is seven. Cavan is five. Rain is two. Little Navie is just a mere 5 weeks old. They are my life. They are my pride and joy. They are my reason for living. One day I went to pick up my oldest daughter from school. Her teacher pulled me aside and asked, “Is there something going on at home? Mikey was really quiet and seemed pretty down today.” “No. She has been very sensitive at home lately too. She did say a few kids were bothering her at school.” I replied. “I’ll have a talk tomorrow with the girls about how we treat people,” her teacher responded. I felt lucky that her teacher cared to notice and would do what she could to correct the situation. However when I asked Mikey about it she made my heart sink. Her face scrunched up and tears lightly flowed from her eyes. Her voice was shaky and I could tell she was trying to hold back her feelings. She told me how a girl and a boy wouldn’t let her play kickball at recess because she didn’t know how. She told me that everyone hates her. Listening to her stumble over her words, swallowing her sobs so that I didn’t see, I knew she was very sad about something. Maybe it was just the kids at school. Maybe it was something bigger. Mikey is a strong girl who voices her opinions endlessly, owning the role of leader and always being the outgoing one in her class. She's always so confident, so radiant and so happy. Yet here I was, facing my 7 year old daughter’s sadness, more apparent to me than it had ever been before. Something inside me died that day. I realized that even my strongest child needed things from me that I wasn’t sure I knew how to give her. How will I get through the school years when I’m dumbfounded by first grade? One day Cavan was outside swinging on the swing set in our backyard. Mikey, Rain and the neighbor girl were also playing on the swing set. I looked outside once and there was the neighbor girl’s 10 year old brother and his friend there also, sitting on their bikes. I could see one of the boys tossing a basketball up in the air close to Cavan’s face but catching it before it hit him. The boy then handed the basketball to the other boy. He threw it at Cavan’s face. Cavan was still swinging so he couldn’t let go to catch the ball. Something inside me just snapped. I was livid. I ran to the window and yelled, “Don’t throw a ball in his face when he’s swinging! What the hell is wrong with you? You guys can go home now!” Those boys were so lucky that I didn’t come outside. They were extremely lucky that I a...