marianne
...your potential on the drugs and alcohol. You have such high aspirations, but no forward momentum to achieve your goals. I’m afraid you are truly destined to die a young hopeless death. I don’t want to watch that. Sharing a life with someone, to me,means needing that person and being needed by that person. You don’t need anyone and don’t want anyone to need you. That way you are free to do as you please without emotional consequences. It’s your defense mechanism. A device that is sure to keep you right where you are. That is someplace I do not want to be.I want to be with you ,to share a future, to go places and see the world. But, not in a fog. And not with the possibility that you will lose control again and end up in anothers bed………….Again. The hurt is too deep for me to endure. This is not a goodbye letter, but it is, a wake up call. Your sons have accepted your lifestyle and in many ways expect your iminent demise. They, out of love for you, will not intervene and are prepared to lose you to your demons. I am not, I don’t have to and I don’t want to. I will walk away before watching your self inflicted death. I am doing my best to stay clean and sober, but in your presence, that has become impossible. Something must change. If it’s not going to be you, it must be me. It is not fair for me to dictate to you how to live, just as you don’t dictate to me. In our conversation this afternoon you proclaimed me to be your “friend and lover”, but not the love of your live as I believed and as you have previously proclaimed to me in no uncertain terms. You said you don’t know how to love. I don’t believe that. Just because no one has loved you the way I have doesn’t mean you are incapable. You’re just unwilling to commit. I am, however committed, and willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Are You? I love you and always will, regardless of your protests and self doubts. I need you in my life, but I also need to live and strive...