my boy
...ess. When I went to check on the boys, Elias was missing. He had put a chair to the door and made his way out. I was running through the neighborhood, like a crazy lady, asking the neighbors if they had seen Elias. My neighbors started helping me look for him, / tears were coming down and I was thinking the worst things in my mind. I just wanted to die, when my son, Jordan, told me, “mom there are tractors in the field.” Elias had a fascination with tractors. The tractors are about half a mile away from my house. As I was running toward the field, I’m thinking I’m going to kill that boy, and at the same time I’m saying, Oh gods please let him be there. As I got closer, I saw my Elias in the tractor waving at me, “look at me mom,” with such a proud face. I got him down and hugged him like there is no tomorrow. I said to my God “thank you and please give me the patience not to kill my boy!” When he started kindergarten, I would often get letters from his teacher from his teacher to come in to discuss Elias’s behavior. I would go home and punish him, send him to time out, threaten him, the next time I’ll take something away. His teacher at that point was too overwhelmed with Elias and constantly put him in the time out chair, where of course the other children would taunt him. He would have full-blown break downs out of no where, after dinner, or at a store. I was so embarrassed to go anywhere, constantly asking for my family to babysit, so that I could get my groceries done, my bills paid, and sometimes just for a break. At times I felt like a prisoner in my own home. Moving onto 1st grade, and things are basically the same. His teacher threatened to hold him back, telling me he understands the assignment, but does not make the time to sit and do it. When he does do it, he’d be the first one done, and disrupts the rest of the class. Often Elias would stay in the restroom, to avoid being in class. I really don’t think the teacher minded, as long as he was out of class. I decided I would go to his class every day at noon and spend the rest of the day to help, his teacher with him. Fortunately, he passed the first grade. At this point, I have heard of AD/HD, but will not even look into it. Second grade is now approaching, and I have already called the school to find out who is Elias’s teacher. I need to get her prepared. Unfortunately, she has heard of Elias. Not good, not a way to start with points already against you, is what I thought immediately, but we are blessed with a teacher who sees Elias’s ability and strengths and assures us even as we are sitting at the board of Education Review to determine if Elias needs Special Ed, that we are going to make it through. At this point they evaluate him, study him in class, and the outcome is that Elias has AD/HD. I cried, I blamed myself, my genes, a lack of something in is diet, too much sugar, too much yelling, too much TV, should I even bother going on? Now what? Do I put him on medication? Is this finding the easy way out? Have I failed? My husband doesn’t help, / he is all “old school” and says, “he’s just a boy, /boys will be boys.” This does not impress me, and I tell myself I would educate myself on AD/HD. I’ve read books, and I’ve studied articles on the internet. I’ve learned that as many people who are for it, are also against. I went to COS, and studied about health and children. In the meantime, Elias continues to get into trouble in school for disrupting class, lying to his teacher, and is being sent to the office every day. The call I dread comes, “Mrs. Azevedo, this is the principal, we nee...