The Day I Became “Different”
...r crayons, and I know you don’t have a gray crayon, so what I want you to do is use a black crayon very lightly, and you’ll get a grayish black color. NO USING PENCIL!” I was sure to listen to her directions carefully. I always listen to directions. I was upset that I wasn’t going to color the elephant a traditional gray color and was disappointed when I found out we can’t use a pencil. Then, all of a sudden, I saw that someone at my table had a gray crayon! The excitement rushed back into my body, I was quick to ask if I could use the crayon. He told me that I could after another classmate uses it. There was a big smile on my face. “YES!” I thought to myself, “I can color the elephant gray, with a gray crayon. And I will be following directions perfectly!” I waited very patiently for the crayon. Finally, it was my turn. I put so much effort making sure to color inside the lines. Paying attention to each stroke of the crayon, so that I wouldn’t press down too hard, nor would I color too soft. Upon completion, I was glad to know I can walk to Morah proud of what I have accomplished. One could tell by the big grin on my face that I was satisfied with my work. I walked right up to where Morah was sitting in front of the class. I handed my makhberet to her. The smile on my face was still there, until she saw the elephant. That was the time, the one time I never spoke of until now. Morah violently ripped out the page with the gorgeous gray elephant I had worked so hard on. She then crumbled the paper with fury and held it in her fist right under her face, and looked me straight in the eye. I was so confused at that point. I didn’t know what was going on. I could see her hand getting red, and the veins slowly began to pop out. I thought I did such a good job. What was going wrong? What did I do? All these thoughts were popping in my head, and I was too afraid to speak. There was a huge lump in my throat. It was a lump of fear and a lump of confusion. I waited hesitantly, feeling the muscles in my face tense up slowly backing my head away as Morah’s face came closer and closer to mine. She looked at me dead in the eye and yelled, “You didn’t listen to directions.” Then she quickly threw the paper away. With all these emotions exploding in me, I mumbled,”but…but.” Morah said she didn’t want to hear it. At that moment I wanted to avoid the pain, hide the tears, and let out the anger. I felt an emptiness inside me. It was an alien feeling in my body. And I didn’t even know how to console it. I looked around the class, and I saw everyone staring at me. That was the moment where I felt different. I didn’t know what to blame it on. Was it my lightly tanned skin? No, I thought. It couldn’t be there were people with darker skin than me in class. What about my hair? Was the next thought to pop up. No, I said again. People have black curly hair in my class too. Was it because I am Jewish? No, what was I thinking we were all Jewish at that school. I couldn’t pin point it, and then it abruptly came to me. It was because I’m fat. All of a sudden everything was clear. The teacher didn’t like me and did that to me because I’m fat. That’s the only explanation. No one else in class had that happen to them, and no one else was fat. That, I found, was the comm...