Johari window
...u do for fun, food preferences, favorite music, TV shows, books, etc. Relationships--how you are getting along with your spouse or children, who you socialize with, your good or bad relations at work, etc. Attitudes and opinions--religious views, political opinions, sexual morals, values, kind of people you like and dislike, etc. Work--career ambitions, stresses, likes and dislikes, failures and successes, etc. Money--how much you make, owe, waste, want, etc. Personality--your desirable and undesirable traits, personal problems, upsetting emotions and moods, sexual activities, etc. Physical concerns--health problems, feeling unattractive or attractive, feelings about body parts, etc. What topics do you disclose? To whom? What information do you hide? From whom? Why? What topics would you talk about, but it just never comes up? To whom would you like to share new topics? Perhaps you need to make specific plans for talking about specific topics with specific people. All of us have secrets. That is appropriate; many things are best left unsaid. But we conceal so much unnecessarily--because we think others might not respect or like us, when in reality they probably would like us better. Perhaps your first task is to overcome the fear of self-disclosing. STEP TWO: Prepare for disclosing. Handle the anxiety. There are several approaches to take if you want to self-disclose more but feel uncomfortable doing so. You can gradually work up to being more open, starting with telling a friend some facts about your work or classes or car. Don't express any opinions or feelings at this stage. When you feel OK doing this, select a trusted friend and tell him/her what you think and how you feel about a movie, a political candidate, your boss, your parents, your occupation, etc. Try this with several people. Lastly, practice "here and now" talk with friends, i.e. disclose what you are feeling towards and needing right now from the friend. This is the hardest but most gratifying kind of communication. STEP THREE: Gradually develop more skill at disclosing. Learn to express yourself clearly and to give useful feedback. There are many guidelines for improving your communication, your disclosures. It is important to understand that self-disclosure is merely a part of intimate, genuine, frank communication in a mutually accepting, empathic, caring relationship. It isn't like therapy where the patient does all the disclosing and the therapist mostly listens. You must be just as interested in the other person's feelings, problems and opinions as you are in expressing your views, emotions and needs. Self-disclosure is not primarily disclosing old family secrets, old affairs, embarrassing psychopathology or pulling other skeletons out of the closet; it is openly but discreetly revealing to your friend what you are thinking and feeling right now, often how you are responding to his/her actions. Thus, much of your self-disclosure consists of giving feedback to the other person. Because you value the relationship, you are naturally concerned about the effect your disclosures will have on your friend and on your relationship. You don't disclose everything, especially not hurtful, upsetting or useless feedback. But his/her feedback to you is vital for your growth, and your feedback is helpful to your friend. Several general rules for giving feedback: (a) Your feedback should be non-threatening. So, describe the friend's behavior, not his/her personality or motives. Example: "You talked a lot at the meeting" is better than "You're a very dominant person" or "You crave attention." (b) Focus on the specific situation here and now, don't make broad generalizations or focus on the past. Example: "You seemed preoccupied or uninterested when I was just talking" is better than "You never pay attention to me." (c) Do not give feedback if it isn't requested, if it can't be accepted, if it isn't usable, and if it isn't likely to result in the person-feeling better about him/herself and about you. Good feedback to another person focuses on his/her strengths, not faults. Constructive comments help people grow, reach out, feel good and try new things. Critical, judgmental comments inhibit others. A complete disclosure includes your observations, your opinions, your feelings and your needs. Without complete disclosure people can't know the real you. Often only part of the message is expressed and other parts are implied; this may cause confusion or ill feelings. Example: "Do you have to be so wild at parties?" This vague question actually means several things: (a) "I saw you drinking a lot and hugging all the men/women." (b) "I think you look like you are on the make even though you came with me to the party." (c) "I feel embarrassed and angry when you neglect me while you are flattering the other men/women." (d) "When we go to parties, I want you to spend some time with me, don't drink so much, and stop coming on to everyone." In summary, don't hint around, every disclosure should include four clear statements: I see the situation this way... I conclude... I feel... I prefer... Make your disclosures clear: (a) Don’t ask a question when you really want to express an opinion, a feeling or a need. Examples: A right-to-lifer asks, "How can you support abortions?" An irate spouse asks, "How did you spend that much money?" A dedicated partygoer asks, "Should we take the time to go out this weekend?" (b) Don't give double messages. Examples: "Of course, I'd like to be with you, but you wouldn't like the crowd I'm going out with." Or, a parent says to a teenager, "Well, I guess you can take the car tonight, but what about those 'C's' on your report card?" (c) Avoid hidden agendas and dishonesty. Examples: Don't use self-disclosure to impress others or to get sympathy or to provide excuses for your behavior. Don't act like you care if you really aren't very interested. Don't pretend to be a juicy plum when you are really a banana. Don't play games. Deceiving and manipulating others eventually hurts or drives them away. Don't assume that others understand what you think, feel and want, without your saying anything. We must repeatedly say and show "I love you." We must tell our parents and our children "I appreciate your help" and thousands of other feelings, views and needs. Remember: no one can read your mind! In fact, without communication, we frequently misread others and are misunderstood. Holding in hurts and wants, called "gunny sacking," results in your feeling worse, nothing changing, and your mishandling the situation when you eventually explode. It is particularly sad when someone, who is loved, concludes, "If he/she really loved me, he/she would send flowers...make future plans...be more affectionate in public." It is important that impressions (assumptions) be checked out soon (see next method). You need to know the truth; worrying about how someone might be feeling doesn't help. We often operate on false assumptions, why not ask? STEP FOUR: Self-disclose appropriately in well-chosen situations. Encourage mutual disclosure. How do you know what is appropriate disclosure? First of all, you should have a reason to disclose. Secondly, you should consider (1) how much you have already disclosed, (2) who you are talking to--your best friend? a new acquaintance? a parent? a boss? a mutual helping group?--and (3) how much can the disclosure hurt you? When these three factors are considered, most of us have a feel for what is appropriate. (4) Persons who are very inexperienced in self-disclosing are most likely to over-disclose or under-disclose. As under-disclosers, we bore others; as over-disclosers, we scare people off. Look carefully for a reaction in others; hopefully, they will show interest and self- disclose in return. If your conversation is superficial because that is your habit (not fear), make an effort to find personal experiences, opinions and feelings to discuss. Be careful not to talk only about your problems or weaknesses. If you are prone to accentuate the negative, try modestly exploring your strengths and blessings with others. Keep the conversation balanced; both people should disclose about equally. It would be helpful and interesting to keep a diary of your experiences disclosing. Note which concerns you get the most help with and from whom. Note what feelings and needs you don't disclose. Note which friendships grow the most. Note if certain of your disclosures turn people off? If so, go slower. Are you uncomfortable discussing certain things? That isn't all bad, being too smooth makes you seem less genuine. Even if you feel your self-disclosure is something awful, don't be surprised if the other person thinks it's pretty ordinary. Note if it is hard for you to empathize with certain problems? Note if there are people you avoid interacting with--perhaps people with different views, older people, or people with special skills? If so, ask yourself if you are threatened? Reward your friends and your efforts to disclose. It may take a couple of hours to plan what to disclose first, to whom, what later, and how. An hour a week is needed to think about your progress, to make more plans and write in the diary. Actually, self-disclosing means interacting differently, not necessarily more. PROBLEM AREAS People who are aloof and intellectual, may think of feelings as being unimportant nuisances. Such people could profit most from these new skills, but they must first see the advantages of being real and open. (And, lacking practice, they must learn what kind of disclosures are most appropriate, to whom, and under what circumstances. This isn't easy, but it is worth it.) Research has shown that moderately intimate disclosures facilitate a relationship, whereas disclosing too much or too little is harmful. However, some people assume that practicing self-disclosure gives them a license to blurt out everything--their sexual needs, their suicidal thoughts, their criticism of others, their family secrets, etc. It takes social skill and experience to know what is an acceptable moderate disclosure and when a friend is ready for our deepest feelings. EFFECTIVENESS, DANGERS AND BENEFITS Research has found that moderate disclosures enrich friendships and are associated with good mental health. Clearly, the purposes and values facilitated by self-disclosure are commendable. However, achieving an intimate relationship involves more than being skillful at disclosing. If a couple has an abiding commitment to deepening their love, that is more important than self-disclosure skills. If bitterness develops between two people, frank disclosure may be harmful . Every professional has seen colleagues who teach interpersonal skills but are aloof in their personal lives, are self-serving, or can't get along with each other. There is a difference between being open with another person and being open to a good relationship. It takes more than skills to be a friend--unselfish motivation, genuine concern for others, a need for a relationship, etc. There are some dangers with self-disclosing. You can upset people resulting in their avoiding you. You can try to convert a casual relationship into a more intimate friendship and, if the other person does not want this, you may lose a friend. On rare occasions, the other person may respond so negatively or judgmentally that you experience more shame or guilt. Of course, there is always a risk that a former “friend” will use your disclosures against you. There can be no guarantees. Disclosing is something like loving: there are risks but you can't afford not to take a chance. Now since we have explained the concept of Self-Disclosure at the basic level and tried to keep it as simple as possible, now let us discuss about the most important aspect related to self-disclosure, which would be that of Johari Window. JOHARI WINDOW The Johari Window is a graphical representation of those aspects of our self which are known or unknown to us and known or unknown to others. Self-disclosure is seen as a useful strategy for sharing information with others. By sharing information, we become more intimate with other people and our interpersonal relationship is strengthened Self-disclosure is not simply providing information to another person. Instead, scholars define self-disclosure as sharing information with others that they would not normally know or discover. Self-disclosure involves risk and vulnerability on the part of the person sharing the information. Effective learning is facilitated by good interpersonal communication. The Johari window model focuses on the balance of these exchanges between the parties. It was devised by Joseph and Harry Ingham, hence its name. It illustrates the effects of self-disclosure and feedback in increasing personal and interpersonal awareness. An understanding of the model can help you facilitate relationships in either group or one-to-one contexts. Known to Self Not Known to Self Known to Others (ARENA) (BLIND SPOT) Not Known to Others (FAÇADE) (UNKNOWN) A four paned "window," as illustrated above, divides personal awareness into four different types, as represented by its four quadrants: open, hidden, blind, and unknown. The lines dividing the four panes are like window shades, which can move as an interaction progresses.Let us explain you this diagram and its contents by taking a personal example.Let us talk about a guy called “ME/I” and describe the window from his point of view. 1. The "open" quadrant represents things that both I know about myself, and that you know about me. For example, I know my name, and so do you, The knowledge that the window represents, can include not only factual information, but my feelings, motives, behaviors, wants, needs and desires... indeed, any information describing who I am. When I first meet a new person, the size of the opening of this first quadrant is not very large, since there has been little time to exchange information. As the process of getting to know one another continues, the window shades move down or to the right, placing more information into the open window. 2. The "blind" quadrant represents things that you know about me, but that I am unaware of. So, for example, we could be eating at a restaurant, and I may have unknowingly gotten some food on my face. This information is in my blind quadrant because you can see it, but I cannot. If you now tell me that I have something on my face, then the window shade moves to the right, enlarging the open quadrant's area. Now, I may also have blindspots with respect to many other much more complex thin...