Sex
...things that she talks about show that guys basically always have ideas of sex on their mind when they are with a girl, and they try to act upon them. Guys and girls want different things; although, Minot’s narrator is a little different, most girls usually want an emotional relationship and guys usually want the physical part. She also talks about Eben and how “He kisses my palm and then directs my hand to his fly” (6). This goes back to the idea that women need to be strong and tough to deal with guys and sex. These actions that guys take make it hard for women to stand up for themselves. Guys are usually bigger, stronger and more overpowering than women and this is very intimidating, so it’s easier for them to give in. Minot explains this well when she says “Then they get mad after, when you say enough is enough. After, when it’s easier to explain that you don’t want to. You wouldn’t dream of saying that maybe you weren’t really ready to in the first place” (13). This shows that it is hard for women to get up enough courage when with a guy to tell him no, subsequently girls also don’t feel the same way about sex. Girls have a lot of feelings that go into the idea of sex and the act of sex. When they have sex with a guy they see it as a connection mentally and physically with another person, when a lot of times guys see it as “a body waiting on the rug” (4). How do these differences between men and women and sex start, and when does it begin to show? Identities of men and women begin very early on in life. From the day they are born, boys are more influenced by their fathers, and girls are more influenced by their mothers. Boys get used to seeing their fathers talk about beautiful women and drool over hot girls in bikinis, etc. which is eventually carried on to the sons acting this same way. Mothers, on the other hand, talk to their daughters about love and finding the perfect guy, etc. These are two very things that help shape men and women in different ways. This idea from the beginning is a major part in what causes these gender gaps and keeps them going from generation to generation. My gender is a very important part of my identity. I act the way I act, and am who I am, in major part because of my gender. Because of the fact that I am a woman, I am also treated differently, and I can accept that. The narrator also feels that gender is a major part of her identity and who she is and the idea that “it was different for a girl” (7), and it is different for a girl. One major thing that sets sex that guys have with other girls apart from sex that girls have with other guys is the number. “The more girls a boy has, the better. He has a bright look, having reaped fruits, blooming. He stalks around, sure shouldered, and you have the feeling he’s got more in him, a fatter heart, more stories to tell. For a girl, with each boy it’s as though a petal gets plucked each time” (10). Why is it so hard for girls to say no, and how do guys do it? Most of the girls that do this have low self-esteem and self-confidence. When a guy wants them, it makes them feel good and beautiful, which is something that they feel they need. But then when the guys wants more, the girls feel like they have to give it to them or the guys will get mad at them and not like them anymore, which will drop that self-esteem yet again. The narrator was a girl who felt exactly this way. She says, “I thought the worst thing anyone could call you was a cock-teaser. So, if you flirted you had to be prepared to go through with it” (9). I am a lot different than her. I have self-confidence and good self-esteem and am able to realize when a guy wants only one thing, and when he does I can easily tell him “no.” I am not worried that a guy won’t like me if I don’t have sex with him because then he isn’t really someone that I will want to waste my time on. Girls need to realize that not every guy wants just sex and nothing else, and that it’s not worth dwelling on if a guy thinks you are a “cock-tease,” but it can be difficult. A lot of girls just don’t seem to have the strength, so they keep on with this cycle over and over again because they think “Sleeping with someone was perfectly normal once you had done it. You didn’t really worry about it. But there were other problems. The problems had to do with something else entirely” (9). Well, what is this something else that Minot is talking about? This other thing is emotions; yet another major difference of men and women when dealing with sex. Men know what they want, they get it and they are happy, women don’t always want it, but then give in, and feel ashamed and sad. Minot says, “You wonder about things feeling a little off-kilter. You begin to feel like a piece of pounded veal” (16). And, “All the next day you’d be in a total fog, delirious, absent-minded, ...