the bay of pigs invasion
...y. people who can control themselves, and not get alcohol poisoning or anything like it, or place themselves in situations when being under the influence isnt to their advantage i dont worry too much about cuz they kno how to handle it the reality says: wrong the reality says: fromt he begining the reality says: **from the the reality says: alcohol affects people without even being consumed the reality says: for more than 24 hours the reality says: with every sip that someone takes or sees taken an effect takes place the reality says: this mind set that developes that I'm not too good for a little bit of bad stuff to go into my body the reality says: countless things happen to indivuals that they can't control and they are bad the reality says: but the thing about alchol is that it is self inflicted the reality says: when you drink alchol you're not thinking hel myself in the long run the reality says: help the reality says: you're not thing I'm too good to hurt myself the reality says: **thinking the reality says: you're not thinking I'm too strong to do this Bridie says: no necessarily, it doesnt have anything to do with how you think of urself in all cases Bridie says: *not the reality says: yes it does in all cases the reality says: it's just that after awhile it becomes an understanding that you have with yourself the reality says: that this amount of self inflicted pain is ok Bridie says: i mean, im not speaking of wild parties at club or sumthing, im thinking like wineglasses at a dinner, or a martini at a formal event Bridie says: thats true Bridie says: very true the reality says: and when you allow that to happen the reality says: you become more lenient with the suffering that you allow others to feel Bridie says: but u have to understand that some people dont see it that way. in some cultrues, having a galss of wine or so at a dinner table is a formal sign of acceptance into a family Bridie says: the whole etiquette developed behind it, to be able to participate in it can be an honor almost the reality says: in my opinion that's ignorance Bridie says: it could be the reality says: and it's become accepted to look past it the reality says: I won't accept it the reality says: I won't say that ok it's your culture the reality says: BULL SHIT the reality says: (excuse my language) the reality says: but this is the age of education the reality says: 21st century the reality says: when I say I love you that means that I"m going to use all I know the reality says: to try to protect your well being if it needs protecting the reality says: no matter how small the instance the reality says: and that type of meticulous care spreads to all areas the reality says: emotionally I take extreme care as well even though it may not seem that way the reality says: and I believe that while you may believe that the people that drink in your life care about you just as much if not more than I do. I honestly believe that their margin for pain that is ok for you to feel is much greater the reality says: yes they may have been very loyal to you but I strongly believe that your emotions, physical health are of more concern to me because I have developed with a more concern in more extreme areas the reality says: ** the reality says: I understand if you don't understand Bridie says: thats very considerate of you, ur probably the only person who wud treat me that way and i appreciate it Bridie says: but is that wat ur definitionof love is? Bridie says: like, only that? the reality says: that's the foundation the reality says: and I believe that's what's wrong with a lot of relationships the reality says: I don't want anything more negative than postive, no matter how small, to happen to you and if I don't think that I can be a positive influence then I don't want to be much of one at all and sometimes the best way to be a positive influence is to let go because people have their choices but if I let go I'm not going to want to watch the reality says: or sit back and be passive about it the reality says: that was supposed to be short because I've repeated myself way too much the reality says: but I'm trying to be clear the reality says: I'm not comfortable with us being together when you have that type of approach becuase I believe that it's detrimental, for me to be passive and be in fantasy world with you because whtn that world isn't there physically my inluence could've been pointless in the big picture the reality says: **when the reality says: I was so content I felt so fulfilled by what I thought was your understanding of how I felt about this but the fact that you could be a bar tender underminds it all the reality says: because I wanted you to feel what I felt the reality says: but what I thought I felt wasn't the case the reality says: because you never really understood apparently why I didn't want you to drink a sip or a drop why I don't want anyone to the reality says: the reason I use alcohol and smoking so much is because they seem so clear to me the reality says: but the truth is you'll never really love the fact that I love you the way that I do because you don't believe it to the extent that I do the reality says: my love for is belittled by the fact that you don't think it's a big deal the reality says: **you the reality says: I feel like this whole time I thought I could've been the way for you to believe like this the reality says: maybe that was stupid in itself the reality says: but I could have just been getting in the way of you really believing it some other way the reality says: I thought wrong, it was my fault bad decision the reality says: do I regret what we had only because I don't believe it was exactly best for you the reality says: maybe the reality says: but I was in heaven the reality says: not because of the kisses the reality says: or the fact that I had a hot girlfriend the reality says: but the depth behind it all the reality says: the fact that my girlfriend knew something that very few people I thought you could have been the only one the reality says: that knew how and why I loved you the way I do the reality says: lol, all my fault Bridie says: why are you speaking in past tense the reality says: because I"m not planning on going back to that fantasy that I was in the reality says: hell yeah it was nice the reality says: and I'll be unhappy about it the reality says: but I believe it's best the reality says: and this is the way I love Bridie says: look brad, when i said i wanted to be a bartender it was a thought that randomly popped into my mind, it was a dream i had about 2 years ago, and since then hadnt thought mucha bout it. i hadnt even given it a thought until after i said it. Bridie says: and i guess if u take that to the extreme, analyse it to the extreme, and reach the conclusiont hat u were wrong about me, then i think our relationship was too fragile for youto be in it the reality says: it's not just the bar tender thing Bridie says: dont talk for a sec Bridie says: you showed me a different way to look at things, becuz of you, i cant stand beng around the twins anymore cuz 99% of wat they talk about is drugs, and 99% o fwat they do is drugs, and i hate seeing them smoke. like u said, its like llooking at laurens arms Bridie says: i kno how to take care of myself Bridie says: and tanks to you, i kno even clearer now. i knew before, i just didnt really take care of the issue Bridie says: *thanks Bridie says: for me, love is based on the happiness you want the other person to feel, and as a compensation, how that person in turn make syou feel. the concept of taking care of urself is understood in a relationship, cuz hurting urself hurts the other one too Bridie says: but u focused more on making me not hurt myself at all, rather than letting me make u happy i guess Bridie says: as much as i appreciate that, it seems now that thats all it is for you, as a result, making the relationship waytoo fragile. maybe u dont agree with the way i handle things, but u cant say that i dont kno how to take care of myself, that i dont love myself the way i should. i think ive gone serveral routes that have enabled me to "recover realizing how i shud take care of myself, how valuable my Bridie says: health is" Bridie says: but if you dont believe any of that, which is the foundation of love, then ur right to use the past tense the reality says: it's not the present that I'm worried about in truth the reality says: it's the future the reality says: that's where my influence disappears and the bar tender thing sent off alarms the reality says: fear alarms the reality says: it seemed like the beginning to a nightmare the reality says: and fear is horrible the reality says: I shoudn't fear the reality says: I should have the utmost confidence in you Bridie says: but u dont Bridie says: and if its love ur feeling, i think fear is part of love itself the reality says: because I could have made a mistake Bridie says: by dating me in the first place? the reality says: that wasn't what I was talkiing about Bridie says: u never changed mypoint of view on things, u just intensified it the reality says: lol whatever that's peachy, but what do you think I should do? (this is one of those important questions) the reality says: wait first the reality says: who do you think has a higher chance of making a less positive decision? the reality says: you or I? the reality says: I think I know now the reality says: I do the reality says: n/m the question Bridie says: so wats the answer? the reality says: my muscles in this area are more toned than yours the reality says: I believe Bridie says: but wat do u plan on doing the reality says: ........ the reality says: that's another thing the reality says: that's really not the most important aspect of this convo the reality says: you've seen Constantine right? Bridie says: ? the reality says: lol the movie with the Matrix guy the reality says: Neo Bridie says: ooh Bridie says: yea the reality says: well one of the true things in that movie is that this world is a battlefield for influence this is general because I think that movie is porbably worng about somethings too the reality says: **wrong the reality says: but the point is Bridie I'm fighting for a long time trying to get people to help themselves more than hurt themselves the best way I know how the reality says: it's not fun because everyone gets confused the reality says: TGO included the reality says: but realize that I'm at war the reality says: that's the difference between me and most people the reality says: lol this probably seems like I'm making some big dramtic show of this all the reality says: but people hurt themselves on a regular basis the reality says: some people make it a pastime the reality says: personally I believe most of it is because it's become culturally accpeted the reality says: accepted in most societies the reality says: the point is I've steped out of my comfort zone several times to confront some of those dark areas head on the reality says: **stepped the reality says: and it's always hard the reality says: but it's so worth it because even though some people put up the fiercest fights, that's really all they want the reality says: is for someone to care enough to fight for them the reality says: even if it's against themselves the reality says: some people don't know how to help themselves the reality says: and some times I don't know how to help them the reality says: and sometimes people have to help me the reality says: but people recognize when you truely try to show you love them Bridie says:...