Adoption and Religion
...anger (Brammer, 1993). The relationship between Nathalie and the caregiver should be affective, intense, and based on open, direct, and honest communication (George & Cristiani, 1986). It is very important that this relationship remain private and supportive (George & Cristiani, 1986). This stage is really important in the counselling process because it will permit Nathalie to feel more confident about revealing her problem. It is to be remembered that prior to the counselling session, the counsellor was unknown by Nathalie and that it can be very difficult for her to disclose her personal problems if she doesn’t feel that she has the respect of the counsellor. At this stage of the relationship, the counsellor also has ``to provide the client with the view that something useful can be gained from the counselling sessions`` (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995, p.145). The counsellor also has to acquire information about Nathalie that will help him determine what moral issues are in play and Nathalie’s values (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995). Nathalie can decide to tell the counsellor why she came to see him or it will be the responsibility of the caregiver to ask her her intentions (Brammer, 1993). The counsellor has to show Nathalie that she made a good choice in coming to the counselling session, that he is ready to do all he can to help her, and that they will work together to solve Nathalie’s problem. When the relationship between Nathalie and the counsellor will be well established, Nathalie will be able to talk more deeply about her problem. At this stage of the session, the caregiver has to exhibit an attending behaviour (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995). He has to make good use of his communication skills in order to show Nathalie that he is interested in what she says. He can use ``paraphrasing, clarification, perception checking, and feedback`` (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995, p. 145). The counsellor may ask Nathalie questions that will help her disclose more when needed but he has to be careful not to ask too many questions. He should use ``what`` of ``how`` questions rather than ``why`` ones (for example, what do you think about the situation? how do you feel about it?) (Brammer, 1993). ``The counsellor is seeking to distinguish between what might be called surface problems and those that are more complex`` (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995, p.145), and asking open-ended questions may help him to do so. In that stage, the counsellor has to explore and analyse each problem area in terms of variables that influence or maintain it, determine the severity of these problems, and arrange them in terms of priorities (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995). Doing this, the caregiver should not try to give advices, offer solutions, moralize, preach, diagnose, judge, or criticize (George & Cristiani, 1996). He will also have to determine what Nathalie’s goals concerning her problems are. He has to help Nathalie to fix goals that are specific, relevant, achievement- and success-oriented, quantifiable and measurable, behavioural and observable, and understandable (Gladding, 1996). If ever the counsellor feels that Nathalie’s concerns are beyond his level of competency, he should refer her to another appropriate professional (George & Cristiani, 1986). This stage is really important for the rest of the counselling session because it will permit the counsellor to determine Nathalie’s problems, her strengths and weaknesses, her goals, and find alternative solutions to her problems. It will also permit Nathalie to better understand what her problems really are and that something can and has to be done about it. The counsellor may also give assignments to Nathalie in order to help her see what alternatives are available. For example, he could ask her to talk more with her colleague to learn what Tram’s religion implies, to talk about her dilemma with her family and friends to evaluate if they would really care if she raises a child from another religion, to talk to other adoptive mothers to see how they coped with the problem, and to have an interpreter to talk with her daughter so that she can determine what Tram thinks about being baptised in a new religion. Once the problems have been clearly stated and the alternatives have been explored, the planning for problem solving can start. ``The outcome of this process is aimed at allowing the client to identify as many solutions as possible, project the consequences of each solution, and finally set the priorities of these solutions`` (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995, p.149). The goals that Nathalie had settled in the previous phase play a very important role here. The counsellor will have to bring Nathalie to decide what the best solutions for her problems are. ``It is better to guide the client toward realising these understandings him- or herself rather than just telling the client outright`` (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995, p.149). In this stage, Nathalie will have to examine each solution possible and find out what she prefers. For example, if her goals were to make her little girl happy and to feel comfortable with the choice she made, she would have to choose which solution best satisfies these two goals (for example, baptising Tram under Christianity or not). Once Nathalie has chosen which solution satisfies most of her goals, she has to put it into practice. The role of the counsellor will be to encourage Nathalie to act on her problem solution. ``The counsellor will often maintain contact as a source of follow-up, support, and encouragement`` (Gibson & Mitchell, 1995, p.149). It is very important for the counsellor to keep contact with Nathalie during the process of the solution because things might not go as well as anticipated. Once the solution has been successfully completed, it is time to terminate the counselling sessions....