|
|
This is only a preview of the paper
Click here to register and get the full text.
Existing members click here to login
|
|
|
Late Night Homor - 2001 Scientists have announced this week that they have injected a jellyfish gene into a monkey. Have you seen this? So it is official – scientists have run out of things to do! Sad news. Today Ted Mann, founder of Mann's Theaters, one of the biggest, largest chains in the country, died. The services will be Sunday at 12:15, 3:30, 6:20 and at 9:00 More problems for Mike Tyson. The state of Michigan found Tyson to be positive for marijuana after his fight with Andrew Golota. This is every fighter's nightmare: Tyson with the munchies! Experts are saying that Al Gore needs to choose someone with more charisma than him for a running mate to energize the ticket. So, today a chest of drawers stepped forward for the spot on the Gore ticket. Bill Clinton was featured in a foreign film. It's up for a few awards. I believe it was called, "Crouching Intern, Hidden Sofa"! Next month CBS will do a new miniseries with O.J. Simpson. They will stick eight people in a house with O.J. and see who comes out in the end. Today marks one month that George W. Bush has been president. Things are starting to look bleak for Al Gore. Who got bombed more over the weekend? Roger Clinton or Saddam Hussein? Things got so boring at the Grammys that midway through they had Puff Daddy come out and shoot things up! Do you know what Hannibal calls Michael Jackson? The other white meat! Why did Hannibal invite Hugh Rodham over for dinner? So he could chew the fat! What does Hannibal call Al Gore? A square meal! Why does Hannibal ride along with the fire department? Because he's too lazy to cook! Why won't Hannibal eat the Clinton family? They're too slimy! What does Hannibal call the singer Meatloaf? Meatloaf! What does Hannibal call a trainload of New Yorkers? A subway sandwich! What does Hannibal call Richard Simmons? A flaming dessert! What does Hannibal call people he doesn't like? Hard to swallow! What does Hannibal call Mike Tyson? A wannabe! What does Hannibal call a boy band? An extra value meal! Why would Hannibal eat Jennifer Lopez last? Because there's always room for Je Lo! What does Hannibal call Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera? Pop tarts! During the recent Seattle quake it marked the first time Kathy Lee CDs were flying off the shelves More trouble with that election that seemed like it took two years! The people went in and counted the votes and found Al Gore lost by only 140 votes. The Republicans are now stunned that they won this thing legally! . . . Things are now really looking bad for Al Gore! The NCAA tournament is going on. It's what they call 'March Madness.' Do you know what they call 'March Madness' in England? All-you-can-eat night at the steakhouse Disney is laying off people. Just today I saw the Pirates of the Caribbean getting jobs at Long John Silver's. I also hear that they replaced the Seven Dwarves with one dwarf that just has seven different personalities After eight years Chuck Norris is leaving "Walker, Texas Ranger." The 60-year-old Norris was upset because CBS was going to change the name of the show to "Texas Ranger With a Walker." A man in Russia had his penis replaced with one of his fingers. The surgery was a success! He's gonna make a great baseball player. He could have both hands on the bat and still be able to scratch himself. This China thing is still going on. President Bush is playing hardball, though. Today he said that he not only wants the plane back, but he wants it dry-cleaned, too George Lucas says that the next "Star Wars" movie will have less creatures and war and have more romance in it. The title for the next film is "Less Wookie and More Nookie." Today an armed gunman was arrested outside the White House. Like it or not, Mr. Gore, you're going to have to understand that the election is over. It was quite the display outside the White House. There was the Secret Service, air commandos and the police were all there! I was thinking to myself, now where were all these guys when the Clintons stole all the furniture?! San Francisco is the first city probably in the world now that has voted to pay for sex change operations for city employees. You thought you hated it when the city cut off your utilities! A new Cher doll is coming out. Don't we already have a Cher doll? It's called, Cher! Ass, boobs, nose, arms and legs sold separately!
Approximate Word count = 3124
Approximate Pages = 12.5
(250 words per page double spaced)
|
|
|
|
|
|