Modest Proposal
The Wireless Devil: A Modest Proposal Concerning the Cellular Phone Dilemma in America It is a melancholy object to those who walk the sidewalks, travel the transportation systems, and enjoy the restaurants and theaters of America to be constantly aggravated by tiny devices that invade privacy and provoke rudeness. According to the CIA World Fact Book, there are now over sixty-nine million cellular phones in this country (scr. 14). These modern gadgets are nothing more than a virus that is spreading across this country with the malignancy of pancreatic cancer. I think most parties would agree that it is a deplorable sight to see the number of people abusing the use of cellular phones these days. Not only do they disrupt the peace and cause stress, but they are also responsible for causing traffic accidents and interrupting airline navigation systems. I propose that the only way to solve this problem is to ban the use of all cellular phones in the United States of America. Outlawing cellular phones in this country will be a step in the right direction towards an intelligent society that is aware of the dangers of certain new technologies. These devices pollute the air with noise and distract everyone in the immediate vicinity of the phone. As Jonathan Rowe of the Washington Monthly exclaims, “they beep like a seat belt warning, or play a finny melody like a musical toilet seat (35).” Also, when people talk into their cellular phones, most of them feel the need to holler into them. Rowe further depicts these object as being like cigarettes, instead of producing secondhand smoke, they produce secondhand noise in which the unwanted listener is forced to consume (35). Motorola’s StarTAC® ST7868W phone (Source: http://www.motorola.com) All of us have endured the intrusion of cellular phones in situations where it was totally inappropriate to hear them.