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Venetian Voyage True Story (July, 2002) We grasped each other’s hands in excitement as the bus finally pulled up to our hotel. After a twelve hour plane ride beside the world’s fattest man and then having to pee during another four hour bus ride, all while the thirty year old driver could not take his eyes off us, all we wanted to do was to sit, relax and enjoy Italy. That is, after going to the bathroom of course. I looked at Jess to see her expression as the bus came to a halt. Pure awe and curiousity was written all over her face. At that moment, I was more interested in finding a bathroom than gawking at the Venetian crowd. “Move out of my way!” I shouted as Jess and I pushed our way off the bus. We bolted inside the hotel, ignoring the cultural transformation completely and started searching for a bathroom. We dashed around tables and chairs and finally came to a door. We had no idea where this mysterious door led to, but the sign on it read Riservato. Since neither of us could use our scratchy Italian to translate the sign, we agreed to go in anyway. We struggled through and with little time to spare, I picked the first out of the two doors we were presented to. Finally, I thought as the battle with my pants began. Scrambling incessantly, I finally got them down. I sat on to what I thought was a toilet. Sadly, I was very mistaken. Instead, I fell hard into a white ceramic tub that was engraved into the ground. My bare rear end covered the drain, but that didn’t stop me from doing what I came there to do. It was too late now, I didn’t have time to stand up and squat. I just let it go. Waiting impatiently, Jess knocked on the bathroom door, “Sash! Hurry up! Did you fall in or something?” I shut my eyes in disbelief, deciding whether or not to let her in on my foreign toilet incident. “Actually . . .” I managed to squeak. “I kind of sort of did fall in”. I waited for Jessica’s hysterical laughter to flow underneath the door and start ringing in my ears. It wasn’t long before I heard my best friend’s cackle. When she finally calmed down, she asked, with phony concern, “Are you going to be all right?” “Um . . .” I groaned, searching for some toilet paper. “No, no, I don’t think I am. Why the hell isn’t there any toilet paper in here?” Now laughing harder, Jessica remembered what our tour guide, Nicoletta had told us. “About that . . . you have to provide it yourself.” I rolled my eyes as I too remembered Nico giving us a lesson on public bathrooms, Toilet paper will not always be provided and to use some bathrooms, you must pay, she had said. That was the stupidest thing I had ever heard of. First, I fall into this ‘toilet’ and now there’s no toilet paper. “OK, well, you’re just going to have to come in here and bring me some type of tissue because, unless you want me to use my hand . . .” I trailed off, figuring she would get the point. Now joining in her laughter, I threw my head back hard, banging it on the wall. Could anything else go wrong? I thought, rubbing my newly swollen goose egg. I was still stuck in the ‘toilet’ when Jess came in. She took one look at me and the laughter that had once subsided had returned. “Shut up, give me the toilet paper and get out!” I didn’t blame her for laughing. I would have too. “Yup, always here to put on a show,” I cried out, attempting to clean myself off. Walking back to the bus for our luggage, we both stopped to take a look around, “Lido di Jesolo, Venezia” I exclaimed, skipping through the Italian air. “Can you believe we’re actually here?” We stepped out on to the street to admire our surroundings. Everyone was getting around either by foot, or scooter; there was not one car in sight. People from the ages of two to eighty were strolling along the middle of the road, enjoying the night air. Every once in a while, some younger Italian boys would walk by and cat call at Jess and I. “If they keep that up, I think I’m really going to like it here,” I giggled as a boy jogged by and whistled. The entire street was lit up from nearby clubs and shops that stayed open pass the time that I should have been sleeping. This was my dream come alive. “Come on Sash! Back inside, we can explore later.” Jessica literally had to drag me inside and up to our room.
Approximate Word count = 3197
Approximate Pages = 12.8
(250 words per page double spaced)
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