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Nov, 18, 2001 I’ve been dating this girl and dropping tons of loot without care but recently I have been brought down by something, I have been sick as well. But am not sure if this depressed, bipolar feeling is because of her, my sickness, my job which I have began to complain about constantly yet completely liking yet afraid to admit it, or what. But I have had this feeling all weekend, it may be the weed, I think about getting rid of the weed and my job. More than likely the weed, for my career, for my self. Being a pothead isn’t too cool, not that im afraid of what people think about me because I feel that if everyone knew me for me, there wouldn’t ever be anyone who would not enjoy me company… but this girl…. I cant tell if she is up to something or not, I don’t know why but I feel that something should be talked about with her. I seem to have this huge crush on this girl see. We have gone on some dates and every time we seem to not be able to shut up but when we do stop talking we seem to have that comfortable silence and the look, but am I wrong. I seem to have her to force her to kiss me sometimes, possibly because I think she is a very hard person to get into. I am the very open all my cards out on the table. She seems the person to be likely to beat your ass and take your earnings out on a bluff. I am afraid that If I call her bluff that I will lose. That maybe she does like me and by calling her on a bluff I could make a fool of myself and insult her and fuck it up so im stuck. (random) Snowboarding season has been good except for the fact that Tommy Maddox broke his fucking neck today. I feel great on a noodle of a board, and have been riding like a fucking champ... Why does this shit have to be so difficult why cant people all be just a little more simple. This girl is taking her time and picking me apart. Trying to figure me out I think. Wish I could just tell what she was up to. She seems to want to be doing that though. So I guess this little writing has solved its own question in the making, this is the first page of my journal. I have started it to help me in some of my moments, something to brag to, something to ask rhetorical questions to and a reason to write and better my skills in typing (yeah right). I have been getting homesick lately. That may be the reason for the down feeling. I miss having my great friends around. I miss having my sisters around but why? Because I enjoy being able to be there for them and here I cant be there for anybody in my family except for on the phone and I hate the phone. I got class in the morning so I have got to sleep. .. Nov 25th The eve of my court date, I should be sleeping but cant for once again Elizabeth has punked me, why do I tolerate this I haven’t seen this girl in almost two weeks. Why do I let these things bother me so much? Snowboarding was great until I fell on my shoulder again. Why is it still ass, I thought I was able to heal. Kami… what the fuck should I do about that? I slept with this girl who is about to be my boss.
Approximate Word count = 2448
Approximate Pages = 9.8
(250 words per page double spaced)
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