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(Prince Charles visits a day centre for heroine addicts in Scotland, and meets Darren who attends the centre on a regular basis.) CHARLES (to audience) One does detest this form of event, but one simply must persevere. As one’s personal assistant Roger explained to me: it’s all about publicity these days. Well, one’s personal opinion of publicity is that it’s a load of poppycock that has to a great extent ruined one’s social life – what ever happened to the glorious days of spending an afternoon playing a round of polo, or taking lunch with the Earl of Luton? These days it’s all opening care centres and meeting the needy. But Roger tells me that we’re currently declining in popularity with the general public, they apparently think that we’re a ‘waste of taxpayer’s money’, and therefore it is essential for one to attend such events as this so as to keep one’s family image virtuous. I tend to find being present at this sort of event altogether rather unpleasant, but Roger tells me that I simply must. DARREN (to audience) See tiday? See this? This is the biggest day ah mah life so it is. Who wid ay thaught it eh? Two years ago ah wis lyin in the gutter, junked up tae mah eyeballs, toa’ally oot ah mah heed, askin folk fer 20 pence fer a cup a tea an tha’. An today, here ah am, an the straight an narrow, aboot tae meet Prince Charles. Aaahhh, see him? See that Charles? Ah love him so ah dae. Ah dunnae mean like tha’, ah’m no a bufter or anyfin, no, ah jist mean ah think he’s great. Oh aye, see when ah wis a boy, an when ah wis growin up, he wis aroond the same age as me, an he wis always in the papers fir doin well a school an tha. An see when he wen tae tha Cambridge, tha wis aboot the time tha ah started doin over hooses an tha, an de ye know whit? Some ay them were student hooses so they were. An see when he married tha Diana? Tha wis when ah started livin wae ma Denise. So ah think tha wuv goat quite ay bit in common so ah day, we’ve led quite similar lives an tha. Aye, ah think tha we’ll get on quite well. CHARLES (to audience) Oh dear, this particular centre seems to have an awfully queer smell in it.
Approximate Word count = 1584
Approximate Pages = 6.3
(250 words per page double spaced)
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