Sith Academy Darth Maul Mows the Lawn
"You are progressing well, my young apprentice," Darth Sidious murmured. ... " "Before you can learn rebellion, you must learn obedience," Darth Sidious said. ... But a true Sith must also learn to serve his master." Darth Maul grimaced. He learned to dread any conversation that opened with the words "A true Sith must. ... "After that, the Sith Junior League is coming over for drinks on the patio. ... Therefore tomorrow morning, you will mow my lawn." Darth Maul watched speechless as his master handed him a scrap of paper with an address written down on it. ... " "Master," said Maul. ... " Darth Sidious turned on him. ... " Memo to Darth Maul, he thought to himself as his windpipe began closing. ... *** Clutching the scrap of paper in one red, sweaty hand, Darth Maul looked over the picket fence at the residence of his master. ... The profusion of garden gnomes littering the pathway to the front door struck Maul as slightly out of keeping with his masters personality. ... A man with a weakness for lawn sculpture could hardly be capable of interplanetary domination. Maul pushed the mower out of the shed. ... After priming the engine, Maul pulled the ripcord. ... Maul began pushing the mower up the long, long expanse of back yard toward the house. *** Maul was hot. Maul was sweaty. Maul was very, very angry. It was, he reflected, his own fault that he had chosen to mow a lawn on a hot summer day wearing a black woolen cape. ... So, pushing the mower for the thirtieth time up that nasty hill by the rock garden, trying to avoid the concrete toadstool and the gnomes that sheltered underneath it, and realizing that he still had 90% of this lawn to do and most of it was hilly, he was in a very bad mood. ... Maul pulled the ripcord. ... Maul pulled the ripcord again. Remember your training, Maul told himself. ... With a bloodcurdling snarl, Maul yanked one more time on the ripcord. ... Maul plodded out toward the car in the driveway. ... " "There is a lawn. ... " The boy said, "Lawn & Garden, Aisle 58." *** Half an hour later, Maul faced a bewildering array of mowers, edgers, trimmers, trimmer/edgers, riding mowers, riding edgers, handheld shears, motorized shears, motorized shears that converted into lawn sprinklers, and sundry other items, none of which struck him as quite what he was looking for.