In Defense of Monogamy
...e and soon get married, live together, share happiness and sorrows. Their relationship is full of love and trust and the couple continues to be faithful to each other until death draws them apart. Here, the concept of monogamy is obvious, the couple is legally married, they are sexually faithful to each other and they remain together to the end of their days. My second case of monogamy is where a man meets a woman and after some time of seeing each other, they decide to take the next step of commitment in a form of marriage. Shortly the couple has a child and become a nuclear family. They live together happily, are loyal to each other, share responsibilities equally including the difficulties of raising a child together, their marriage continues throughout their lives. This type of nuclear family is a type of monogamy in which the couple propagates the race; they show love, loyalty, and sharing responsibilities and difficulties of life. People in monogamous cultures may not have more than one marriage partner at a time. However, if a marriage ends due to the death of a partner or divorce, remarriage is acceptable. Thus, people in monogamous cultures may have more than one spouse during their lifetime. An example would be when a young man and woman get married and live together for two decades but feel that their relationship is breaking apart, they continue to fight and misunderstand each other and unanimously they make a decision that they no longer want to be together, although both are in their forties they file for divorce. As their marriage ends they become the single man and the single woman of the society, in a short time each of them finds a new (soul) mate and enter in to a new relationship, in the case of the man he finds a new woman of his age that understands him and falls in love with him, they marry and live together happily ever after. The woman, after some searching finds her perfect partner and marries him, they feel love towards each other and begin a fine relationship. This couple has had two monogamous relationships, once their first marriage ended, they engaged in a second marriage. Each had one husband or wife at one time. The aforementioned monogamous relationships have been held together by love, affection and married by own will. In contrast a young man and woman meet each other, and begin to date. Their dating gets serious and they soon become intimate. Not long after the young woman announces that she is pregnant, and the two decide to get married, solely for the benefit and care of the child. Their choice to stay together is not due to love, but due to their personal values that guide them towards being a nuclear family. They choose to raise their child in a family that is nuclear, because they want those same values to be passed down to their unborn child. This is an example of monogamy that exists solely for the purpose of retaining certain values. Another unique and distinct case from the others mentioned earlier would be when a man and a woman are dating each other and although are not tied by a marital contract they stay faithfully together, after some time of being passionately in love they break up and find love in the arms of a different partner. Although this case does not demonstrate marriage it does characterize monogamy by showing a state of having only one partner or sexual partner at any one time, accordingly while being together, the couple were loyal and truthful to each other. If by definition, “Monogamy” is the state of having only one husband, wife, or sexual partner at any one time. In a monogamous marriage, two people are married to each other and to no one else. Although both Gilder and I see monogamy as the state of having two people, a male and a female who are married to each other and to no one else, some contrast in understanding does exists. Monogamy is the state of having one partner at a time however monogamy does branch out to different types while still remaining monogamy. For example, serial monogamy is the practice of terminating a marriage legally and acquiring a new husband or a wife. This practice allows individuals have one partner at a time but a few partners throughout their lifetime. The third case where a man and a woman terminate their marriage and soon remarry to different partners is a demonstration of serial monogamy. However, Gilder does not allow such variation of monogamy; according to him divorce will disrupt the natural balance of society. If the man would divorce the woman, he is likely to find a new wife in a form of a younger female. If such pattern were to continue, a man would monopolize two women at once. At the end, all that would be left is older divorced women and many single men. Since the two generations do not attract or appeal to each other sexually, they are bound to remain single forever, thus disrupting the natural order of society. Another contrast exists when Gilder mentions that monogamy is “egalitarianism in the realm of love” as mentioned in forth case, the married couple had no love and yet remained to be faithful to each other. Such a relationship falls within the boundaries of the concept of monogamy, regardless whether love is present or not, however it is apparent that for Gilder monogamy must have love and dignity present. Both, Gilder and I agree that in a monogamous relationship a couple may have children, “…each generation gets its only true sexual rights: the right to a wife or a husband and the right to participate in the future of the race through children” (Sec. 28). However, a monogamous relationship will remain monogamous whether a child is present or not. The first and the second case demonstrate just that, a relationship is considered to be monogamy when the couple are married, and remain monogamy when the couple becomes a nuclear family. The child only brings happiness and allows continuation of human race but does not undermine monogamy. Gilder is precise in demonstrating the boundaries of monogamy, he states that in monogamy a man “does not leave his own wife when she grows older, to take a woman who would otherwise go to a younger man…” (Sec. 28) as the third case demonstrates the couple could not stand each other after being married for two decades and divorced, meaning they terminated they monogamous relationship and soon entered a new one, this is nevertheless is still considered to be monogamy as long as each had only one partner at one point of time. Gilder does not advocate that older couples break up, but he does allow for some flexibility, in his essay he writes: “many divorces occurring among the young are relatively harmless” (Sec. 29). Consequently, according to Gilder divorce for the young is fine but divorce in the older couple is not, however, age does not and should not challenge the concept of monogamy. Whether twenty or forty, if one has but one partner he is monogamous. On the other hand, Gilder and I disagree on some technicalities that characterize monogamy, as shown in the last case a man is dating and loving only one woman for a period of time and yet does not commit to her through any legal process. George Gilder, is opinionated towards monogamy and regards it as being married for eternity (unless you are young), however, he is blind to the simple fact that people do not tend to get married right away, they go on dating and seeing different people before settling with a spouse. Gilder believes engaging in monogamy preserves a delicate balance in society, couples must be married, however in today’s society, just the simple act of having only one partner whether through marriage, common law or dating already demonstrates monogamy and keeps order within society, contract of vows and legal words do not prove one’s relationship to be monogamous. My understanding of monogamy diverges from the author’s understanding of monogamy mainly because monogamy is a simple term which implies that a man and a woman are united, it does not mean that the single man will suffer, that the divorced man will die or that a social imbalance would occur. Eastern societies engage in polygamy which is a complete opposite of monogamy were still able to live and continue their race through children just as successfully as the western societies. The arguments to which Gilder inclines seem to be in some form fallacious as he is trying to organize and interpret date to suit his argument. For example, a single man does not usually remain single forever, he is single up to a point at w...