St. Augustine of Hippo’s Autobiographical “Confessions”
...ther’s religious faith, and the world of others. As he grew older, he continued his sinful ways as he expressed his offenses against his teachers and against those who held authority positions in his life. Like some young men, at the age of sixteen, he had a sexual encounter, which in his mind led him to the desire of flesh. He confesses that he was unable to distinguish the different between love and lust. Not knowing that love comes from within, Augustine thought that he could find love from the flesh of a woman to the point that he could not distinguish the white light of love from the fog of lust. As he continues on his plight for love, Augustine found himself breaking laws and stealing from others. He pointed out how he stole from a pear tree with his friends, not the need to eat it, but for the need to impress his friends. He knew right from wrong and recognized his sins when he states “The malice of the act was base and I loved it – that is to say I loved my own undoing, I love the evil in me --- not the thing for which I did the evil, simply the evil”1 (pg 1010). Augustine focuses on his teenage years, during which he was a student at Cathage. He is looking desperately for something to fill the void in his heart, but it is only God who can do that. During this time, he was introduced to the reading of Cicero, who most people admired. The book he began to study called “Hortensius” contained an exhortation to philosophy. This book had a big influence on him which helped to continue to alter his thinking and his prayers to God. He found himself a mistress. He revealed that he wanted to love and thought that he can obtain that love through the enjoyment of the body of the person who loved him. Wondering around like a lost puppy, he continues to indulge himself in the pleasure of sex and sexual lust. This temptation of the physical pleasure of sex began to be a downfall in Augustine’s life. He knew that the acts of sex and lust were considered sins, yet he desired for it and began to enjoy it. Augustine eventually leaves Carthage for Rome without saying a word to his mother. Augustine took up with the Manichees and pursed the life of perfection it offered. Manicheism was a self-absorbed movement on the border of Christianity that crossed the line separating church from cult. It seemed to offer a more rational, scientific picture of the world. The Manichees believe that the universe is divided into realms of good and evil. Augustine liked this theory because it would account for why he took such pleasure in committing evil. This also offered Augustine a convenient rationalization for his own behavior, which would no longer make him responsible for his actions. Later, he became extremely disappointed when met bishop Faustes and discover that he is not really a believer of truth. As he continued to find his way through life, he befriends a young man whom he had great respect for. One day, his friend took ill and his family had sacrament of baptism administered while he lay unconscious. Full of optimistic of the moment because his friend became conscious again, he expressed his discontent of what he just witness thus became surprised to find that his friend took the sacrament seriously and brushed away his thoughts. Not long after, his friend had a relapse and died in the peace of the church Augustine disdained. He had lost his friend to death and to the church as well. His passing led him to remorse and grief. Pursued by his mother, she made every attempt to convince him that the life for which he lived was not the way God wanted him to be. She wanted him to get married and then cleansed his soul with the saving water of baptism. However, because of his disrespect for women especially women with little or not education, he fought against his mother wishes. Until one day she introduced him to a young lady whom he liked and had tremendous feeling for. Because of her age, they decided to wait. This turned out be a painful decision. Augustine continued with his sinful ways and his wife to be decided to leave him and return home to Africa leaving him with their son. This broke his heart, but not to long after, he again took another woman, not as his wife, but as a person to nourish his soul disease of lust. His decision did not heal the pain that was caused by his former mistress. This was his first experience of burning and bitter grief. The pain continued to fester and as the pain grew duller, it only grew more hopeless. Augustine was sick at the heart, and he turned to God for relief. His pain brought tears as he reached out for help. A voice came to his rescue singing a song “Take and read, take and read”. This was the beginning of his life change towards the light of God. He opened the book of Scripture and read the passage at which he opened. He returned to the place where Alypius was sitting and continued to read Apostle’s book. His eyes fell on the passage: “Not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering an...