Picture the scene. You have been out and about around London all day, seeing the sights and you are feeling parched and slightly peckish. What you need is a hot drink and snack somewhere both warm and comfortable. So what is the answer to your prayers? Th
... of the above. It certainly isn’t anything to do with CND, and the fact that the fans were locked out is not the news angle. That, undoubtedly, is the fact that: Five people were hurt and 11 arrested after ticketless supporters of Wallfield football club ran riot through Glasborough town centre last Wednesday. I think this is just about OK, but it could be shorter. Do we need quite so much detail in the first paragraph? We could get away with the following if the second and third paragraphs are used to fill in the relevant information: Five people were hurt when football hooligans ran riot through the town centre last Wednesday. But don’t strip away too much, as in the following example, in which it’s unclear what sort of sports fans the rioters are: Five were hurt, 11 arrested, as ticketless Wallfield fans ran riot in Victoria Square last Wednesday. The following example even omits a verb — which is fine in a headline but not in copy: Five people hurt and 11 arrested as Wallfield fans ran a riot last Wednesday in the town centre. By contrast, here’s one where the writer decided to pack in far too much: Five people were hurt and 11 people were arrested and detained last Wednesday, when Wallfield football fans run riot in Glasborough town centre after having been locked out of the football stadium. As a rule of thumb, I’d try to make the first sentence 20 words or less and never write even a two-sentence intro that is more than 30 words long. Whatever, if a first sentence leaves you breathless if you try to read it out loud, make it shorter. But note that different papers and magazines have different rules here. Keep it active One of the golden rules of journalistic writing is that the active voice is generally better than the passive. The following is all passive: Shop windows were broken and there was some looting. Several cars were damaged and a car was overturned. This is much better: The hooligans run amok in Victo...