Commited Relationships
...r this may be that they are more likely to be past the transitional phases and to have more stability in their live and job. They may be more experienced in dating and generally know what they want from a committed relationship based on past experiences. Also, the desire and actual acquisition of stability of relationships comes through a process to an equilibrium characterized by a steady long-term orientation to their chosen or desired relationship. Hence, while attaining a casual relationship can be preferable to no relationship in youth and even in the twenty-something years, this viewpoint does not typically persist throughout the thirty-something years and beyond (52, Cameron & Collins). Therefore, on average the possibility of marriage takes place sometime between the mid-twenty’s and early-thirty’s. The age at which to get married is important as well. By the age of 55, 95% of all men and women in the United States have been married at some point in the lives (National Center of Health Statistics, 2002). The median age of marriage is 26.8 for men and 25.1 for women (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2001). Research shows that one of the big predictors of divorce is marriage at an early age, especially before twenty one. It may be that gaining experience and knowledge about life prior to marriage is helpful. Another factor that predicts divorce (and also related to age) is the education level of the individuals in the couple. Low education is a risk factor for many things including, health, rate of car accidents, age of death, and in fact is also involved in predicting chances of a divorce. The lower the education level of individuals, the more at risk they are to get divorced. This may be for many reasons. People may be spending more time in school so they are getting married at a later age, which is tied to reason number one. Or is can simply be that that people are just more educated. People learn about life while in college which may help them be better problem solvers than those who only graduated high school. A third predictor of divorce is a low socioeconomic status, which is tied to the previous two predictors. Younger people are probably not making as much money as older people and less-educated people are usually not making as much money as those with a higher education level. A low socio-economic level adds to stress of everyday life. The lower that level is, the more at risk a couple will be to break up. In determining what couples have a better chance of staying together, research has found that there are four main factors that can determine this. The first one is a couple’s realistic expectations. If a couple knows that marriage will have its good and bad days, they are more likely to stay together than couples who think that marriage will be a walk in the park. Couples who are the most romantic probably will be most dissatisfied once a curveball comes along and things don’t go according to plan. Therefore, the overall mindset and expectations of being in a committed relationship and marriage is a good predictor of how the relationship will turn out. Communication is another huge factor of a relationship. Couples who know how to effectively discuss their feelings, wants, needs, and desires will probably stand a better chance at staying together than those that are closed off and keep troubled matters to themselves. Couples who can effectively resolve conflicts and compromise also stand a better chance at staying together. Unlike the previous factors, the last one is unchangeable, which is a couple’s compatibility. Couples who are most compatible have a higher chance of staying together than those that are not. As simple as this may be, there are compatible in all aspects and determining compatibility may lend itself to bias. In the eyes of the couple they may be very compatible, but to outsiders, they may be complete opposites. Determining if a couple is compatible more accurately be measured through psychological testing and therefore, unlike the other factors, may be hard to determine and/or change. Living in a stable relationship prior to or instead of marrying is referred to cohabitation. Since the 1960s, there has been a steady increase in the number of couples who choose this lifestyle. In 1960, a total of 439,000 individuals in the United States reported that they cohabitating with a person of the opposite sex. By 2000, this number has risen to 5.5 million (274, Whitebourne). This increasing trend in cohabitation is probably because of its acceptance or due to people choosing to live together instead of getting married. If an increasing number of people choose to live together instead of getting married, what are the factors that motivate people to get married in the first place? Is it better for people to live together prior to getting married? And, how will living together affect people once they are married? Research shows that at least half of all marriages are now preceded by cohabitation but there is no evidence that the experience of living together contributes positively to the success of a marriage. In fact the opposite has been found to be true. In contrast to common-sense notion about the advantages of living together before marriage, data on divorce patterns show that there is a greater risk of marital breakup among people who cohabitated. (437 Lillard, Brien, & Waite, 1995). A probable reason for this is that people who cohabit are more prone to divorce, which is why they did not get married in the first place. There are clear advantages and disadvantages to getting married. Marriage pluses include: long-term emotional commitment and support, great financial security, a sanction by the community, making child rearing easier, and a promotion of greater health. As for the minuses, one can no longer come and go as they please, having to accept and adapting to a partner’s faults and Personal committed relationships 8 quirks, learning to constantly negotiate and compromise, and being forced to deal with members of the partner’s family no matter how bad they are. Whether a marriage is right for a person can only be decided by the individual themselves. Unfortunately, due to the society’s or family’s pressures, many people get married because they feel that they have to, even if they feel like marriage is not something they want or desire. Once people get married they must make the decision of whether to have children or not. The transformation of a marriage into a “family” traditionally is thought to occur when a child enters the couple’s life on a permanent basis. Research indicates that marital satisfaction follows a U-shaped curve, which takes a dip during the child-rearing years. In 1986, Gruber and Schaie found evidence for this U-Shaped curve in a longitudinal study, confirming that marital satisfaction is lowest in the child-rearing years. Another longitudinal study in 1988 by Weishaus and Field, also shows evidence for this U-shaped curve, but in addition they found tha...