Broken Father
...r a moment, except on his dream where he forgets “to worry about the next breath "(48). He himself explains the cause of his asthma,"because of all the things [he's] too scare to do"(55). It makes him isolates himself in the duck camp when it's the time to make decisions, and accept that he is a coward. Parents have an important rule to guide their children, and to teach them how to be responsible and beat their fears. This what Big Shep didn't get from his parent? His father was very abusive person. He plants fears in Big Shep and his mother, the same way he plants his land. Big Shep couldn't go over it, even after he becomes father, he turns his “head in the middle of the day and out of nowhere [he]'ll still think [he hears] the sound of pap’s black ford hitting the gravel road. Then [he] get a fist in [his] stomach and [his] lung clench up"(43). Big Shep has his fear to be rejected by his family. He is afraid to show his love; he expects the others to show it to him. He could give his gift to four years old Sidd, and enjoys the smile on her face, but he couldn't do this; He just waits in the door, expecting that “maybe Sidd knows [he's] here “(52). This is what drives him toward drinking and loneliness. He isn't a bad person, but he needs to be loved. Vive plays a rule in raising this feeling. She mentions many times that she “(doesn’t) need [him] “(53). Moreover, because of her selfishness, she drags her children to the same way. Sidd’s words prove that there is no reason for her to feel that he will “hurt her” (54) except because of what her mother told her. Last and not least, he feels that he isn't a good father. Vive and her mother (Buggy) did their best to push this feeling on him. He’s ashamed to be Sidd’s dad. “[He] still can't believe Vivi and [he] produced something like her “(48). Buggy rejects him from the beginning, “when (he) and Vivi announced (their) engagement, Buggy Abbott started crying like someone had died "(43). These reasons are enough for him to retreat, and withdraw ...