masculine males
...ld by not doing as they want, but doing what is socially expected of them. The physical presence of a penis at birth assumes one is male, absence of a penis is considered a female. Gender is determined at birth and seems absolute. So men, who had a penis at birth, “grow up aspiring to feel and act unambiguously male, longing to belong to the sex that is male and daring not to belong to the sex that is not, and feeling this urgency fro a visceral and constant verification of their male sexual identity-for a fleshy connection to manhood-as the driving force of their life” (Stoltenberg 311). This idea that makes men strive for something in order to verify their existence is constructed by society. Society claims men as it constantly reminds men that they need to belong to the world of men and masculinity and nothing else1. “Sex is a social construct, such a strong construct that men buy into it, put so much into it, especially if they feel as if its not them” (Cory) Stoltenberg insists that male sexuality is learned and linked “between specific physical sensation and the idea of a male sexual identity” (Stoltenberg 312). Men, as they grow, learn to “cancel out and deny erotic sensation that are not specifically linked to what they think a real man is supposed to feel” (Stoltenberg 312). Stoltenberg states when a man realizes complete sexual identity, he understands that he is separate from the females; he cannot feel the same as women, cannot act the same, and cannot associate with them in any manner that may question his sexual identity. Stoltenberg contends that once society is fixated that there are just two genders, men may use their sex to justify sex, as an act of power rather than one of intimacy and love. This kind of lovemaking is “fucking”. The idea of true masculinity for men may make them insecure, so to prove that they are manly men, they have sex according to how society says men are supposed to have sex. This is not how sex was intended to be in the first place. “Fucking,” as they only way to have sex, is a social construct that allows that to become the normal way to have sex. It also becomes an excuse to dangerous sex: sex that’s pressured, sex that’s forced, sex without feeling. Dangerous sex makes men feel powerful and the other powerless. It’s sex that lets men “feel dangerous and in control” (Stoltenberg 314) It actually shows that men lack control and need to find a way to gain control, which they find in the bedroom. Stoltenberg clearly defines why men feel the need to have dangerous sex: It’s a lifetime mission for each of us born with a penis: to have sex in such a way that the male sex will seem real-and so that we’ll feel like a real part of it. We all grow up knowing exactly what kind of sex that is. It’s the kind of sex you can have when you pressure or bully someone else into. So it’s a kind of sex that makes your will more important than theirs. That kind of sex helps the lie a lot. That kind of sex makes you feel like someone important and it turns the other person into someone unimportant. That kind of sex makes you feel real, not like a fake. It’s a kind of sex men have in order to feel like a real man (Stoltenberg 313) This ideology that men are aggressive seems natural, but it isn’t. Most men just want to be like other men, part of the group, not associated with the other, wrong sex. When exploiting women in bed aren’t enough, some men go further and pay into a system that exploits women for them. Stoltenberg argues that the porn industry is committed to exploiting people without penises for the entertainment of people with penises. There is a lie about sex, real men do not watch porn, “get cruel in sex,” “use their penises like weapons,” or “leave bruises” (Stoltenberg 314). It’s not the kind of sex to have in order to...