Humans
...rth. One cannot be led here. I've been left to stray and I've made my way to this truth of mine. The one, my spiritual mother, did not bother sharing her wisdom of this with me. She, instead, left without a trace. Through my time knowing her as a friend, she never mentioned her spiritual capacity and her connectedness. She left me to conclude to this level of awareness, which I was unable to conceptualize at that time, then she left me altogether. She never cared for me to know of her intellectual whereabouts but now I realize it. Emotional aeons later, and many tears, I'm with her again. I may never actually see or hear from her again, but I've reached her spiritual realm and that of the countless, faithful others. Insufficient emotional nurturing left me to unconsciously seek another love. This unconscious emotional wandering has, more literally, lifted me to a more precise consciousness, I feel. I withdrew from social normality as a child. I came to my own meanings of things, though I had no name for what I believed in. For lack of a better term, it was my personal religion, my own morals and all. I sometimes prayed to God for a life I didn't have. I wanted to feel wanted. I haven't until now. To say that he answered, though over a decade since the last time I've uttered his name in prayer, would sound very nice. Alas, I had lost what faith I had. My parents being total hypocrites, who would read to me from the bible at bedtime, then commit adultery in my sleep; all they apparently attempted to instill was that a disobedient child's days will be cut short. They did what they could to convince me that I was a bad child and that I deserve nothing. Their words of encouragement as I left at eighteen were as hollow as my soul had become. It was a cancerous ordeal from which I was guided to egression by a man who is many; formerly the embodiment of hatred and deliverer of suffering, now my spiritual savior and that of others, who can deny him? I cowered irretrievably low, but his wisdom is surgical. Our beliefs and higher power don't align without abstraction, but our understandings coincide. Our wavelengths are one and the same. He proves to me my belief that chaos is necessary in the guardianship of beauty. He is beautiful for his sins now because he shares with others the lessons that he has learned. No one has got as much to give as someone with experience on both ends of the spectrum of love and hate, more commonly referred to as 'good and evil', in my own terms 'fear'. Fear is all that we feel. How little or how greatly we fear determines the moments we create with our actions, which energy we then interpret as the array of emotions. Chaos itself contains patterns of order and beauty. This is the long standing truth of ancient Goddess traditions, and the new science behind String Theory; a sub domain of Chaos Theory. My conclusions regarding myself and my relationship with the universe align, unknowingly until just recently, with the Divine Feminine. This comes as a disturbance to many that I am closer to Wicca than Christianity or Catholicism. My love for nature and my unspoken spirituality has given me insight to my center where I remain under all potential provocation. It has nothing to do with Satanism or demonology. Those are all myths and projections of the fears of the Church in attempt to suppress it. It is the indigenous earth religion of Europe; much like native America's aboriginal beliefs, and countless other indigenous, spiritual practices. There is no Satan in Wicca. He belongs strictly to patriarchal religions as their figure of evil. The church was 'unparallelably' phobic in its accusation of Satanism which served as justification for the brutality employed while hunting these supposed 'witches'. They were subjected to sexually perverse forms of torture, into false confessions of Satanism, then put to death in the name of God. The rape and sodomy of women was common practice; most vicious. Within my heart, I don't hold him responsible for his children's work. Their hearts were corrupt and their visions deluded, their falsifications passed down to further generations, perpetuating ignorance, hypocrisy, and embodiment of the evil they claim to fight. I have nothing but love and I see the beauty. Throughout my life, I have felt a certain oneness with women and the earth. The only males I have ever truly befriended have also been extremely catering to the women of their lives; one of the many practices I have always found beautiful. I naturally relate to women and can rarely find myself in any social situations with males who aren't of this sort. Note that I don't go out of my way to be with anyone and that it only works out this way through natural energy and vibes. I am feminine and submissive; natural qualities of mine that have given people grounds to step all over and across me. This could be becau...