Gender issues
...omatically feminine because he’s gay, and assumes stereotypically feminine roles? What sounds obvious though is that women do tend to accept these situations without any criticism whereas men still seem unlikely to accept women defying ascribed gender stereotypes. As an example, the movie “G.I. Jane” starring Demi Moore helps to prove the point that woman can reverse gender roles as well but that they still have something to prove within certain categories of roles. This movie has Moore playing the role of a woman trying to make it in a man’s world and insisting on having no treatments of favor. One of the most important sources of socialization pressure appears in television and media. Indeed, nowadays, many messages are sent to us through media and it is interesting to take a look at how these messages are received and reflected in modern society. A typical teenager spends more time in front of the television than in school and will often remember more of what he has learned by watching television than at home or school. Media can transmit ideas and images, defining "normal" men, to millions of people at the same time, and there is no mystery in its messages about how men should look and behave. Interpretations of cultural expectations are frequently presented through magazines, movies, sports, TV programs and commercials. By defining "normal" men, media suggests how men should be. It should come to no surprise that men, just like women, follow the example about gender behaviour and expectations from the images that are presented to them through the media. Men are told they should participate in sports and focus their efforts towards achievement and career goals, thus developing their intellectual and physical abilities fully. Male characters are portrayed as competitive, constructive, adventurous, independent, competent, powerful and totally in control of all emotions, all of which are long-standing cultural ideals of masculinity. Our male cultural icons reinforce the ideas that "boys don't cry", and men don't get sad. This influence appears to be particularly strong for children, who, as a group are not as skilled as adults in distinguishing fantasy from reality. As a consequence of the society shaping individuals in stereotypical ways, men behave in a certain way that is likely to affect communication between genders, thus affecting the way relationships, organization and society work. Indeed, for males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with. It's not hard, from even these simple observations, to see the potential problems when men and women communicate. Women create feelings of closeness by conversing with their friends and lovers. Men don't use communication in this way, so they can't figure out why their women are continually talking. Men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. For women, talking about troubles is the essence of connection. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution. When a man offers this kind of information, the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. In his eyes, he's being supportive, because men don't talk to each other about their troubles unless they really do want a solution. The man doesn't realize that his woman was simply trying to establish a certain kind of intimacy with him, inviting him to reciprocate and share himself with her. The major problem in that kind of situation is that misunderstandings are often bound to occur. Men misunderstand the ritual nature of women's complaining and might think that they don’t want to do anything about it. As for the women, she might feel that the man doesn’t care about her because he won’t talk to her in a way that feels intimate. In sharp contrast to the communication style of men, which seeks to establish and maintain status and dominance, women's communicating is more egalitarian, or rule-by-consensus. When women get together they try to make decisions based on the wishes of all. With women, consensus means thinking alike, being in agreement, being the same! However, when one woman in a group decides to go her own way in some matter, there is often trouble. If a girl does something the other girls don't like, she'll be criticized. In fact, it seems that girls put other girls down for standing out, for seeming better than the others... There are also gender differences in nonverbal aspects of communication: certain intonation patterns used by women often suggest various emotions, like cheerfulness, politeness and surprise and men might tend to see this as "overly emotional." Another aspect of nonverbal communication is that women smile more than men. One explanation is that women are expected to smile; it is part of the stereotypical feminine role in our society. Unfortunately, many men interpret a friendly smile as an indication of sexual interest. With interpersonal distance, it was found that women tend to stand and sit closer to others, while men prefer greater distances. Women might be trying to establish emotional closeness. Unfortunately, many men also mistakenly interpret this as sexual interest. On the other hand, men touch women more than the other way around. This could be related to their relative status. The higher status person in any interaction is more likely to initiate touching. Since men are more likely to have the higher status, this might explain the difference. But here again, women might start to feel uncomfortable with that kind of behaviour. In the Barbara DiBello case that we have recently seen in class, Barbara completely misinterpreted her boss’s attitudes and by being indirect and passive, she lost many opportunities to socialize and was less inclined to increase contacts. After this, it's easy to see that a major cause of the struggle between the sexes is this vastly different way of communicating. Perhaps if men stopped expecting women to communicate like men, and women stopped trying to get men to communicate like women, things would be better. Both sexes need to understand the inherent differences in their communication styles so that they don't expect the impossible. There is middle ground where men and women can meet and find understanding. Women must learn that the kind of intimate talk they have with their girlfriends should rema...