Persuasive Essay-Satirical
...stantly. Pizza zombies would be a useful addition to our economy. What most people don’t generally look at first is the economic impact, well I did and I see it this way. If pizza zombies were unleashed into general population then they would lurk in places near pizza distribution centers; eradicating the need for surveillance, because there would be plenty of witnesses in the form of hobo zombie hunters and gatherers. Also people who enjoy pizza but don’t like to have zombies attack and steal their pizza forcing them to order another, they can sell pizza zombie repellant so that people won’t get their pizza stolen by a zombie. On top of that it would also “solve the problem of world hunger if we get a bunch of these pizza zombies running around then bums could chase them down and eat them” (Eric). Sure it could always back fire and people could stop buying pizza all together out of the fear and aggravation caused by losing their pizza on a regular basis, but people are dumb enough to not think that it will happen every time. Like it most certainly would. Ok now so this part is pretty strait forward; they would be much more pleasant to be around, seeing as they wouldn’t be trying to crack your skull and steal the squishy thing inside that some of you mistakenly call a brain. On top of that though they would have a much more appealing odor about them. Rather than the stink of the dead they would smell more like fresh pizza. The sight of them would no longer remind you of the walking dead, instead it would remind you of a pizza statue (one of Eric’s lunch time creations). As we all must know they are easy to control (mindless zombies), and easier to destroy (just cook them a bit more and they can’t move). The best part is that for these things to reproduce all they need is a regular pizza, no more loss of human life and we get to keep cool zombies. Zombies made of pizzas rather than people, would make it easier for necromancers to practice their dark arts without have the cops bugging them all the time. Sure some necromancers might complain that it’s just not the same without a human body and that something like this would degrade the name of all necromancers everywhere. Others might even say it’s gross to see a human shaped pizza glob walking down the street, they may even say they don’t like the smell of pizza. To them I say would you rather see a decomposing body chase you down and try to eat you? As for the necromancers how would you like to one day accidentally raised a body that still has some will left in it that then kills you, because you raised it from a nice nap. If you want to use humans you can try, but remember it’s illegal, dangerous, useless, boring, dumb, and you will be caught. The dumber and the more stubborn zombies would still be attempting to attack humans, but since they have...