friends or enemy
...You'll say something along the lines of "too bad about taxes " or "I like gum" and unknowingly trigger some deep-rooted psychosis, suddenly transforming your amiable chum into an enraged peacock. "Oh, that's fine for you to say," he'll retort. "Sorry?" you'll say, taken back. "I said that's what I'd expect you to say, you smarmy sack of excrement." "I'm sorry, all I said was I like gum." "I know what you were really saying and you know what? I'm just glad it's finally come out because I don't know how much longer I could have pretended to be your friend. Thanks for making it easier. I'm out of here. Go die." And with that, the Time Bomb Friend is gone. Typical of his species, however, he may return, and no recollection of the outburst will be apparent. Enjoy. The Saboteur Friend, on the other hand, is a cunning creature. Cripplingly insecure, this friend will seek control of friendly activities and then abuse that control in order to assert her dominance. Let's say you and a small group of friends have tickets to see Ratt at a bowling alley in New Paltz, NY. Living as you do in New Jersey, you need to plan for transportation and funding. The Saboteur Friend will become excitable and immediately blurt her willingness to offer her vehicle and her services as driver. Overwhelmed by her helpful spirit and desperate to hear Ratt's new material, the group agrees and plans are made to meet in the King Cone parking lot at 5pm the night of the tournament/show. That night arrives. At 4:53pm your phone rings. It's the Saboteur Friend, and something's wrong. "Hi." "Hey! So, King Cone in about ten minutes?" "Huh? Oh, right the concert. Look, you know, I'm not really in the mood... I'm thinking I might just want to chill at home tonight." "What? But everyone's gonna meet there at six and no one else can drive on such short notice." "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I signed a contract saying I was everyone's chauffer! If my car is the only thing you guys like about me then I'll go find new friends who appreciate me for me! Tell everyone I said to kiss my rear! Oh - and Ratt eats it!!" She hangs up. If the bazaar shift in tone didn't convince you, the remark about Ratt will: this girl has problems. There is, of ...