sports
... bush, why do birds fly? huh?? Answer me that one! If you get nervous, try getting less sleep. You are likely to be too tired to care. What is a spleen? If people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, then..wait....who has ever even seen a glass house?! Is this some type of new, voyeuristic exhibitionism that the Tasteebros haven't tried yet? Who comes up with this crap?! If you want to impress your friends, slip 'dideoxyribonucleotide' into any conversation. After a long gig, the Tasteebros need their N-acetyl-para-aminophenol, phenolethylamine and acetylsalicylic acid. For christ sake, if you have a nicotine craving, make it count. Chew on the patch, or pop the whole pack of gum. If you pull a muscle trying to play da dubba c, you got a bunch more. If you see the sparks after playing a high note, make-believe it's new years and have a drink. When you go out to get hammered, do not...DO NOT order a chick drink. If it's pink, yellow, blue, green, is topped with cream and a cherry, has an umbrella, a piece of bamboo, is in a plastic coconut, a red plastic shoe, has slices of fruit attached, has a big curly straw, or is on fire, act like it was delivered by mistake and make sure everyone hears you yell at the waiter. Keep your dignity for when you get drunk and fall on your face. If you are gettin' your groove on wit some honey, be reasonable certain that she doesn't have any diseases. If she looks clean she is probably ok. Go ahead and smack that ass. If you take low-paying gigs, you are setting the standards for everyone else. People will know they can get cheap musicians and the integrity of the art will plummet....wait....we took care of that one....anyway, eat your peas. If you are lame enough to copy our tips, put them on your own page, and declare them as your own like several people have done, you are the lowest form of life on the face of the earth after postal workers. How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck if a wood-chuck had no head? The Tasteebros, in accordance with strict government regulations, never speed. We do make our own fireworks, though. Hey, we didn't force you to take that job pumping gas! Don't give us attitude! It's called ambition..look it up. It isn't our fault you made poor choices in life. You see, while you where sniffing glue, watching T.V., drinking with your friends, trying to buy cigarettes, and perfecting the art of shoplifting to impress your peers, we were in school. We are convinced that regardless of education, morals/ethics, awards, popularity, credentials, wealth, etc... chicks are all crazy, fat and lazy. I wish I could claim the invention of PMS. What ever happened to Tab and Boy George? Life just isn't the same. If you can't be big, don't belittle. Wait...isn't that a contradiction? If you wan't to play higher, stand on a chair. See, we told you it was easier than you think. If you think you are cool because you can play high on a big mouthpiece, who cares? Either you are working WAY too hard, have a crappy sound, or you are readjusting your chops. Smaller=easier. You don't wash your car with a toothbrush, plant a tree using a spoon, or travel across country on a skateboard. You aren't impressing us, you are stupid. We know things that no one can possible comprehend. Are we the only one's that hate the sun? Is that thing useless or what!? The only thing it does is get in my face and stuff. Chicks are still just intimidated by our great looks. If you want to be with us, take a number. If you are going to fold, you might as well make it loud. If you get the note you want, no one will hear it anyway. If someone laughs at you, be sure you have at least 5 or 6 really dark things to say that would make them wish they had never gotten out of bed. The Tasteebros turn down a lot of gigs. We do have high standards. If we start working for peanuts, we will just be another face in the crowd. We don't think so.... If you fold on a solo in front of a bunch of people, fake a seizure. Britney Spears will write us back. I'm sure of it. She just hasn't checked her mail yet. She has been forgiven for not sending us free tickets as requested. Hey, everyone makes mistakes. If you want to be remembered, climb a clock tower and start shooting. Once upon a time, stop writing us saying how high you can play. Unless you can top C4, save it. Men's lungs hold 6.44 liters. Women's lungs hold 4.16 liters. See, it isn't your fault you suck. Instead of blaming us for not giving you the 'chance', blame biology. Stop crying about this equality women's liberation crap. Get a lung transplant and we will talk.... Women can't play as high, can't play as well, can't run as fast, can't____as well as men. It's God's fault, get over it. If the centripetal rotation of the earth was to cause the multi-directional, convoluted path taken by various satellites circumnavigating the planet to fall victim to the pull of gravity(9.83 m/s/s), would I still get the playboy station? I hope so. It Is 'I couldn't care less.' not 'I could care less.'. stupid people use the second one. The Tasteebros do not associate with these people. The first one makes sense. The Tasteebros might have schizophrenia. If you aren't going to buy our cd, at least have the common courtesy and decency to sign the guest book. It doesn't cost anything and you have already used a goodly number of minutes reading. That's right, I used the word goodly. We just want you to be impressed with how many of these things we have. We figured we would slip an empty tip in for good measure. It's nothing personal, we just have a quota to meet. Naive people cry when people take advantage of them. Life is much easier when you are a prick. Our middle name is skepticism (unless people are trying to sell us expensive stuff for cheap). People don't take advantage of us unless we want the cab driver to take off with our bags before we get in. Remember, most people don't have the authority to wipe their ass. Don't accept 'no' from someone who can't say 'yes'. Everyone wants to be king. Most of the time these goons can be out-witted before they say anything. Ask to speak to their boss. It works every time. People are sympathetic toward dumb people. It takes a smart person to act stupid. Do you get what we are saying??? It's easy to get away with stuff. Then again, if you are dumb, you have it coming. If you are dumb enough to steal, steal us something! We love obtaining things illegally!! One time we got a hold of this little monkey from Mexico. The guy who invented plastic is probably not hurting for money. If there is a sucker born ever minute, why haven't we sold a lot more cds? If sticks and stones may break your bones, I'm thinking you might have osteoporosis or maybe a congenital, degenerative defect. If the speed of sound is 332 m/s, is equal to the frequency divided by the period and if the period is constant, we play faster than you do, too. Like not really, but if you don't know anything about physics, we win. You see, the speed of sound would be a constant, not the period. Wait...if the frequency goes up, so does the pitch and if the loudness is increased, the pitch decreases. So, if the period is the same for two distinct sounds and if the pitch goes up and, subsequently, the frequency is increased and we play loudly, do I still have to go to work? Arturo uses 2....what they be called.....embouchures. We have videos. Don't write us saying we are wrong. Again, we have videos. Unless it was some guy wearing an Arturo mask, Arturo tucks his bottom lip in. If there is safety in numbers, why did I fail Algebra? If elephants are so smart, why do they work at the circus? And why do they smell so bad? If it takes 'one' to know 'one', we must know a LOT of really smart people. Help the Tasteebros stamp out osmosis. Buy our CD. If Air has Oxygen and Hydrogen, why don't we drown when we breathe? Why is it that when the Tasteebros go to Italy, we are treated like crap? Those damn foreigners....So we learned a few words that no one likes...that's no reason to yell at us. Be happy we are telling you to *#&$ off in your language. Littering=job security. Oh, if you stare at someone's ear while they talk to you, it drives them crazy. Also, if someone is giving you a hard time, look at them and say 'I did mine, too.' and stare at the nearest corner. Chances are they will leave you alone. If roaches have made it this far and are in no way, shape, or form beneficial to anyone, the Tasteebros will be around for a long time. If the Tasteebros don't find you attractive, there is always facial reconstruction. Keep sending in your photos and we will let you know. If the Tasteebros were reincarnated as animals, we would be a three-toed sloth. oh! or one of those big-ass turtles or a talking bird. That's how cool we are. Sea horses are not horses. Horses have legs. Someone is real smart (sarcasm). Plus, some horses are a lot bigger. Also, starfish are not fish. Fish live in water. It isn't easy being this smort. Life is just miserable failures followed by bad luck, false hopes, empty promises, insurmountable misfortunes and poor choices. If you like Jerry Springer, wrestling, trailer parks, Nascar, or own more than one washing machine, chances are you are a red-neck, white-trash, cross burning, wife beating, swamp boy. In any case, we don't like you. Leave our page at once (unless you run a Meth lab...then you can stay). The Tasteebros aren't fat bastards on the moon. We are avid supporters of weightlessness. If you are thinking about going to UNT to study music, pull your head out of your ass and wake up. The program sucks now and you are likely to leave playing worse than you did when you arrived. Just listen to Mike Bookman! If we, the Tasteeebros, were to shoot ourselves, we would probably nick our spinal cord just below the neck leaving us partially paralyzed and in constant pain. We would lack the motor skills required to shoot the gun again and would live a miserable life in constant agony. Needless to say, we are among the most unlucky people in the world. The Tasteebros get musically inspired by the Backstreet Boys. If you watch Touched by an Angel, Dawson's Creek, any Soap Opera, Oprah, have to color-coordinate, know anything about interior decorating, or you own more that 3 pairs of shoes (including sandals), please leave immediately. You are a chick or you are gay. Well, if you are gay, you can stay. Most gay people are cool when they aren't hitting on us and stuff. Complementary and complimentary are two different things. While we are at it, what's the difference between effect and affect. If you can explain this one to us, we will give you a free cd. Don't cry because we can and you can't. Some things weren't meant to be. The sooner you get over this, the sooner you will enjoy what we are doing for the entire music world. We are convinced that the general public appreciates the sound of a lead trumpet player and not the range. Very few people know the 'range' of a trumpet. But, if you play with balls, people will dig you. Trust us, we have done studies. People tune into the intensity. One of the Tasteebros actually created a fake e-mail address, sent out a personal ad as an '18 yr old girl looking for fun' and received 32 messages in 4 hours. Then, 'meet me at Chilli's-I45 and I35 on Saturday at midnight.' went out to all. When they got there, they probably all laughed. If you are taking a trip or are at work, set your chops and leave them set for as long as possible. You will have corners from hell before you know it. They will start to burn and hurt and when you relax they will stay fixed for a minute, but you will notice a difference in a couple of days. Do this as long as possible...we're talking 1-2 hours at a time. Guys don't choose, chicks do. But, know that getting sex is nothing more than a numbers game. If you ask everyone girl you meet if they want to have sex, 1 out of 15 will say yes. Now, you will get slapped a bunch and get yelled at a lot, but isn't it worth it?!?! Hell yeah.... If you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Get away as fast as possible. Why isn't phonetic spelled phonetically? I bet if bees knew they would die if the stung you, the would think twice about it. The Tasteebros are buoyant. We've got some serious displacement goin' on. Sure you're right, yo. Very few people get gigs from an audition. If you don't know 'people', quit and become a trash collector or a politician or some other meaningless, menial, miniscule task. If money can't buy happiness, than why are rich people happy? Stop trying to make us feel better. Will we ever get in trouble for throwing M&Ms, batteries, pennies, gum wrappers, trash, pen caps, pretzels, bottle tops, and ice cubes in the Toll Booth funnel? If you listen to rap, you are doing society a great injustice. Don't listen to the crap those idiots sell. Listen to the crap that we sell instead. Why do they make cars that go twice the legal speed limit? If life is what you make of it, I want to make my life an ice cream. If flash cubes are bad for bears, why do they eat them? Hey, they should pay the consequences. There's a reason I don't eat strychnine or Gummy Worms. If you are what you eat, I know I don't be eating 6 foot guys. Someone needs to go back to the proverbial 'drawing board' on that one. Is it just us, or is there a flaw in everything everyone says or does?? The Tasteebros know that the Tooth Fairy exists because she brings us booze. If you are going to drive and talk on the phone at the same time, don't talk on the phone. Oh, and what is up with these gimps that wear their phones on that little, gay plastic thing on their belt?!? If you want to look like a lame, pathetic, queer loser, all you have to do is go see a play. If you aren't good by other's standards, you won't get gigs. Having an ego means you probably won't be playing much. No one cares what you think about the way that you play. If you want to make a lot of money, learn how to run really fast and nothing else and be an athlete. Most of these guys are in the transition zone between being heavily retarded and dead. Hearing them talk is counter-intuitive. Here's a secret....it's all staged for $ and ratings. Yes, the Tasteebros are insane in the brain....insane in the membrane. If you are going to do one thing to help your playing, take up jogging. Playing will be a lot easier. The Tasteebros solicit door-to-door. The Tasteebros did a McDonald's commercial in Harmon mutes. Have you heard it? 203. The key to overcoming the darkness of the world is opening the curtains or turning on the light or moving as fast as the sun moves around the Earth or Earth around the sun or whatever.... 204. If you want to play higher, try blowing up a thick balloon several times a day. We don't know if this will help, but it seems like it wi...