poop
... me that I forgot about myself. I realized that no one was the kind of thing where I keep saying to myself… if only I knew then what I know now I would have stayed in china because I hate thinking what if… What if I had stayed? And if I had, would I be thinking what if I was home? It took a lot of tears and a lot of strength for me to choose to come home. I thought it would be easier to come home. Its not. I hate thinking every day, “what if I had stayed?” knowing that if I was in china the thought “what if I had gone home?” would rarely cross my mind. I wish I had stayed Elise im sitting here once again at my computer trying to piece together this essay. I have so many unresolved emotions relating to this issue that it feels impossible to focus on one long enough to get it out of my head and into words. You know how when you’re in the moment its impossible to step out and look at the big picture? No matter how much you think you can detach yourself from an experience and look at the whole scheme of things, you cant. In that moment it may feel like the end of the world, but its not. Well I wish someone had said to me “Hannah its not the end of the world”. As silly as it may sound I felt like it would be the end of my world if I had to stay in china for four months. I decided to do SYA for a few reasons, my parents would be proud of me, it would look good on college applications, I could get away from home and maybe gain a greater appreciation for my school and the life that I live. Most of all because I knew that if I didn’t do it then I would always wonder ‘what if?’. The conclusion I came to when I was in china was that I hadn’t based my decisions on reasons that were right for me. Now that I think about it, that’s not true. More than anything I wanted to complete the program, come home in January and be proud of m...